Addendum:

I had someone send me an E-mail about my last post...this is what they said --

"You wrote on your blog recently a question relating to strength of body or strength of mind and whether you had to have one to have the other. Speaking from my own experiences, the answer I have learned is you can’t have one without the other. Eventually, something will come along and hit the weaker of the two and you just won’t be able to handle it if you’re not strong and things will crumble all around you. However, the real strength in someone comes not from being able to endure the hit, but being able to pick up the pieces and move on afterward, not throwing in the towel, and hopefully with more wisdom than before. And that DOES make you stronger. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way."


I thought it was next to perfect and thought I would share.

Strength

I told someone the other day that I felt they were very strong; I actually said that this person was a very strong woman. She replied as to how she indeed was not strong. This got me thinking about strength. How strong do we have to be to get through things? Is it true that our Heavenly Father will not give us something that we cannot handle? When we feel like we cannot go one more step, is it the physical strength or the mental strength that pulls us through? How much physical abuse can one take before their body breaks? How much mental abuse can one take? Do you have to be strong physically to be strong mentally? Vice versa? Can one obtain physical strength? What about mentally? Can one learn to be stronger? Do our situations make us stronger or does our strength make our situations harder? When we finally throw in the towel and say that we cannot go any further, is this a sign of weakness or is it a testament of our strength?

People must look at strength differently. I have been told how strong I am; it makes me wonder, really, how well people know me. Does being strong willed constitute as strength? I don't think so. I think one has to find that inner strength though, that thing that really pushes us. You know, we have all heard of the mother who could lift a car off her toddler to save his life...outer strength. But, somewhere, deep inside, she had to know that she had to do it, she had to have the mind over matter. She could not for one instant second guess herself. She had to know she could and not even think about it. So, even though she had the outer strength to lift the car, she had the inner strength, or the mental strength if you will, to accomplish the task.

I have never been asked to lift a car off my child (thank heavens) but it seems like some of the things I have done on a mental capacity almost equals to that outer strength. I think I have failed more than I have succeeded. Physical strength can be observed -- look at all the wrestlers and the weightlifters, obviously you can see the outer, physical strength. But the inner, mental strength is subjective. Are we given tests to make us stronger or are we stronger because of our tests? Is not having strength, mental strength, a sign of weakness? You might think you know how strong a person is, but do you? Do you even really know how strong you are?

Maggie May

This is my new sweet baby girl, Maggie May. She was born on 10/11/09 (ummmmmm, sounds familiar!). So, she was just 9 weeks old yesterday. She is a big furry ball of terror on four legs! She has destroyed my Christmas tree, chewed my fingers almost off, and decided that electrical outlets are NOT her friend!! On the other hand, she has decided that her most favorite place to take a nap is either on top of my feet while I am working or sleeping right next to me on the big king-sized bed upstairs laying as close as she can get, sometimes even putting her head on my shoulder! When I call her, she will come bouncing up to me and if I don't reach down and give her the attention she thinks she deserves, she will very loudly tell me! She will walk up to my office chair and put her little (NOT!) paw on my leg and want me to pick her up so she can nappy on my lappy! She already is pretty much house broken; she knows how to use the doggy door but has to be reminded that sometimes she needs to potty. She knows who Mama is and will come running up to me when I tell her Mama needs Maggie!!

My friend made the observation that getting a new car or going to Hawaii did not pull me out of my depressive little funk, she wondered if Maggie was going to. I guess time will tell. Maggie has definitely filled a little hole in my heart that Cookie left. I fell in love with her at first site and I don't even mind the puppy kisses!

Oh...I should tell the story of how I got her...So, I have been looking for a lab puppy for some time now, but it was just never the right time or whatever. Natalie and I have gone to look at puppies and have always walked away empty handed; I guess it was just not the right time. So, last Saturday (12/05) I had read an ad in the local paper of puppies. Natalie and I had had a big day of shopping and were ready to head home and I decided to go ahead and call on the puppies. I did, liked the lady on the phone very much, so we got the address and drove to Galt! On the way there, I told Natalie I had a feeling - Nattie concurred that she had the same feeling! We walked in and there were 5 puppies left (a litter of 11), 3 females and 2 males. Little Maggie latched onto my shoe string and would not let go. I would pick her up and hold her a minute and then go to the next puppy trying to find the one that would come home with us. I would walk around the backyard looking at the other puppies, but Maggie stayed in between my feet the whole time! I moved, she moved. After a few minutes, actually like about 15 to 20 minutes, I asked Natalie what she thought, she said she wanted them all! I felt like I really had no choice but to take the one that had been at my feet the entire time I was there! She was, however, the cutest one anyway!!

I signed the check and we drove home...but first we had to make a pit stop at PetCo (where the pets go) to get a few supplies. She was a hit in a store. Natalie asked when/what/how I was going to tell Trent...I told her I would wait until the morning when he got home from work and introduce them -- I felt as soon as he saw her, he would love her as much as I did (this was so true). Besides...he had been asking what to get me for Christmas, I just helped him out!

We get home and introduce Maggie to Sissy which was uneventful (Yay). We put the Christmas tree up and decorated the downstairs. Trent called...oh no! He asked what in the heck I had spent over $100 at PetCo (where the pets go) on. Being I have a strict policy in lying...I told the truth. I said that I had to go get stuff for my new puppy. He said, and I quote, "You better not had gotten a new puppy!" I said I had and I told him how cute she was and how much I loved her. He was like..no you didn't. I was like, yes I did! The next morning he comes in and says, I want to see the new puppy -- he fell in love with her! Good thing!

So, there you have it. The story of how my sweet baby girl Maggie joined my family!

The things I am thankful for

I have been waiting to write this particular blog for a few weeks, letting it get just a bit closer to Thanksgiving, however, the time has come that I must share as my heart is full.

The biggest thing I am most thankful for is my family:
My loving husband who loves me despite myself, who puts up with my moods and my idiosyncrasies, who always lets me pick the movie for date night (even if he truly does not want to watch it), and who usually lets me win (whether it be a game or an argument). I have loved him for 21 years and am amazed as to how much this grows daily.

My wonderful children. This year has been a really rough one concerning my kids. We, being the strong family we are, have worked through all of this and have found new faith and have actually built a stronger family unit. I would not be half the woman I am without my children. They are me as I am them. I would give my life for them. I would protect them to the end. I will not, under any circumstances, let people speak untruths about them or hurt them unjustly in any way. I will forever forgive them for anything they do. I will never not speak to them or push them out of my life. Garrick, my son, my first born, I love you. Natalie, my daughter, my sweet baby girl, I love you.

The rest of the family! This year has been a pretty good year as far as the rest of the family is concerned. I have reconnected with family who I love, who I lost years and years ago. Cousins who I thought wanted nothing or little to do with me or my family. My heart rejoices with thoughts of my extended family. I have smiled and cried all in the same setting. I have thought back to my youth and have felt young again. I have discovered that 20+ years lost can be made up in a heartbeat with memories that can last for a lifetime. My parents and brother and his family are truly people that I know I cannot live without in my life. Though there may not always be agreement among us, there is always an underlying love. Coming from a smaller family, I am so very thankful for my husband's larger one! I have brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews and great-nieces and great-nephews who I have truly come to love as my family. I am just but a small branch on the tree of family.

My dear friends. This year has been rather hard and I have, for the first time ever, grown to rely on friends. I have put trust in people which has not been easy for me. I have laughed with them, cried with them, been their strength when they needed me, and I have let them carry me when I needed them. Abraham Lincoln once said, "The better part of one's life consists of his friendships." If my friends are any indication of wealth, I am indeed rich beyond compare.

The list could go on and on and on. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have the knowledge of life hereafter and faith. My husband has the means to support his family. I have the ability to see my children grow and love. I live in a country that is free. I sleep in a warm bed at night. There are certainly more gifts in my life than I even knew possible. Some might say that the grass is always greener...but, those are the people who don't take the time to look around and love and appreciate those things and those people who are within reach. I am truly blessed.

Changes

Fall is here in California! The leaves are finally starting to turn, the air is starting to cool, and, of course, football is on my television! The difference between Fall here and other places, is that this will only last a few weeks and then Winter will settle in. In about March or April, Spring will pop in to say hello, but, again, only for a few weeks, and then here comes Summer. So, in California, there are really only two seasons with just a few weeks in between of my favorite seasons.

When we moved to California in 2001, I remember this time of year and wondering when winter was going to come. I remember my family just laughing and laughing at the Californians who had the big, heavy winter coats on, scarfs, gloves, big ol' boots!! We has just moved from New Mexico where, yes my friends, it snows and it gets very, very cold. We laughed because we would walk outdoors with merely a sweatshirt on and were actually just fine. Winter here was like Fall in NM. So...the next year rolls around -- We have now been in California for a year. We still refuse to have the big, winter coats, but it does appear a bit colder than it was the year before. So, lets jump ahead to last year...I was FREEZING!! It was only November and I could not remember ever being as cold as I was then! Trent bought me...I can barely bring myself to say it...a big, ol', heavy winter coat!!! I really have not had the opportunity to use it yet this year (its faux fur and I love, love, love it!!) but is it ready for use. I also have the new scarf and am looking for the perfect gloves. The boots...well, duh, of course I will get new boots (November shoes!!) but they will be fashion forward and probably not too comfortable!

I am welcoming Fall with open arms. I love the different colors of leaves on the trees and when the wind blows, I quite enjoy seeing the leaves fly around! My oranges (I still cannot believe that I have oranges and no lemons...makes my heart really hurt! I am definitely going to try lemons again!)are green and starting to make the turn to orange. I love getting the winter clothes out from last year and putting on a bulky sweater for the first time. I love climbing into my bed which the electric blanket has been turned on for a few minutes and the sheets are just hot enough to warm my legs as I settle in for the night. I love Christmas shopping for my family and friends and am thrilled beyond belief when I come across that perfect gift. I love Thanksgiving dinner - I just wish my mom was here, or I was there, for her to cook it! I love to see the trees lose their leaves and the grass to lose its life if only to be reborn again in the Spring.

Yes, yes indeed, Fall is one of my favorite times of the year. I shall enjoy it while it lasts.

Random Thoughts

Stupid things I have been thinking about:

* The alarm clock. My alarm clock is set for 5:00am. During the week, it goes off and I roll over and hit the snooze, get up out of bed to wake up Natalie, climb back into bed, and pull the covers up and go back to sleep. Approximately 10 minutes later, the alarm goes off again. Again, I get out of bed, this time to make sure Natalie is up, and then get back into bed, pull the covers up, and go back to sleep. I hit snooze one more time (sometimes two more times, but I hate myself on days like this)then I am up, exercising, in the shower, and starting my day. On Saturday, I do not have to get up at 5... in fact, I do not have to get up at all! But every once in a while, I will forget to turn the alarm off and it will go off at it's regular time. I will roll over and shut it off. I can never go back to sleep. Why is that?

* Football. I am a football fan...not a crazy fan, but a fan. I enjoy watching it and if my team is playing, I may give a hoot and a holler when a good play has been made. When a commercial is on or when a timeout has been called, I will switch the television to another station. Why is it that I never get back in time and miss a great play?

* Grocery bags. Why is it that I will carry 150 pounds of groceries into the house all at once so I do not have to make more than one trip to the car?

* Laundry. I live in a two story house. The bedrooms are all upstairs. Two bathrooms are upstairs. All of our closets are upstairs. All of our drawers are upstairs. Why in the washing machine and dryer downstairs?

* Turn signals. There is this great invention now in most vehicles...a turn signal. You can use this when you are changing lanes or when you are turning a corner. They make a cute little noise to let you know that it has been activated. Why do some people drive in a straight line with no intention if turning right with their right turn signal on?

* Yellow lights. Speed up or slow down? I think the answer to that question says a lot about a person.

* Speed limits. Above, below, or right at? Again, I think this says a lot about a person.

* Grocery stores. Why is it that you always, always, always forget something and you remember it as soon as you walk in the front door of your house?

* Books. You can always tell when you have just read a great book because you turn that last blank page just to see if anything else was written.

* Finding something. Isn't it great to find something that you did not even know was lost? Isn't it even better to find someone (or have them find you) that you knew was lost?

* Laundry (I know, different random thought). I wonder if they will ever come up with the invention of a washer and dryer in the same machine? Is it too much for ask for one that maybe folds too? I wont even dare ask for one that puts it all away too!

* Deal making. Have you ever made a deal with someone and they accepted the offer right away and you thought that maybe you offered too much?

Just a few things going through my head. Busy brain! Or actually just a lazy person not wanting to work! It is fun every once in a while to just let the brain wander...it's funner, however, to see where it ends up.

Legal age to buy alcohol - 21, cigarettes - 18, Nyquil -50?

So, the other day Trent and I went to Target to get me some Nyquil. I had the start of a cold (terrible neck pain for over a week, sore throat, headache, etc.) so I had decided to nip it with sleep! While Natalie was at mutual, we went into Target (of course, going to Target with Trent is no trip to the candy store! I wanted to look at the new scarfs (keep in mind, this was the night of the big storm), maybe look at umbrellas because I am sure I need a new one...oh, and the gloves were out too -- Trent was not in a looky-loo mood) and straight to the medications. I decided that I would spend the extra money on the name brand Nyquil because I really needed this medication to work! Carrying only our Nyquil to the check out (I know, what a waste of checking out standing in line time!) we waited in line. It was finally our turn and the checker said that she would need to see some ID. Okay, this is kinda funny because I am 41 and Trent is 47, I am pretty sure that we are both old enough to buy Nyquil. Trent pipes off with some wisecrack remark about having to be 50 to buy drugs. The checker lady (girl actually) was not impressed with Trent, AT ALL! I said that it probably had to do with being able to make crack or something. Trent, egging on the poor checkout girl, said that he was a chemist, he could certainly make crack out of Nyquil if there were a way. Again, the girl just looked at Trent and then told him that he needed to take his license out of the wallet because she had to scan it. This started a whole new conversation about tracking and what if the whole family needed to use the Nyquil for a few days and we ran out, if he were to buy some more later in the week would he be on some list?!?! The "Nyquil Abuser List?" Again, the girl just looked at Trent, with a disgusted look on her face, scanned the license, and quickly gave it back to him. He then preceded on to hand her cash for the purchase, in which he nicely asked if she needed ID for the use of cash.

Oh, the story only gets better....we had friends of ours come up behind us ready to check out. She asked us if we had fared the storm without incident. We explained that a tree branch from next door was in our front yard but for the most part, our fence was still standing and our trees were still firmly implanted! She said that she wished a tree had fallen on her old van! Trent laughed and said she if she would have called, he would have been happy to push a tree on the van for her. She laughed and said that actually a branch had fallen on the van once and it broke the branch in two, leaving the van unscathed. I piped off something like well, it might not have with the aid of a sledgehammer! Our friend gasped and pretended to be shocked and then asked Trent how he fared in swinging a sledgehammer!! Trent flexed and told her he indeed could make it look like an accident! The poor check out girl...I think she was wishing she had photocopied Trent's license for his name and address!!!

If the Insurance Fraud Department people or the DEA come knocking on my door....well, lets just say my response will be, "Trent who?"

Judge much?

So, I had an interesting experience at the grocery store the other day. I really don't like going to the store and I try not to go on the weekend when I do go because it is always too busy and too crowded and too noisy and just...too everything I guess. Trent and I had stopped by a roadside produce stand on Saturday and bought some wonderful strawberries. Well, of course, strawberries are not any good without Cool Whip and little angel food cakes. So, we got home and Trent decided to mow the lawn while I quickly went to the store. Of course, the quickly part was all a pipe dream!

So, I get there, get the things a need and a few extras (sour gummy worms, yummmmmm)and then make my way to the express lane which has about 45 people in it. Okay, maybe not 45, but there was a lot of people. The other lanes, however, also had a lot of people in them with full carts, so I proceeded to the express lane. A few moments later, a women with a cart comes up behind me with her children. She had 3, maybe 4, children with her, one of whom was in the cart. After I quickly counted every ones items in front of me to make sure there were no rule breakers (oh c'mon now, you all do it too!!), I looked behind me to count hers. Just because, well frankly, there was little else to do. At this point (man, my little story is turning into a novel...I will hurry), she takes a big bottle of wine (maybe it was just regular size, I don't know, I don't buy wine, but the bottle looked rather big to me) and hands it to one of the older kids outside of the cart and says, "I don't need this sh*t, take it back." The child does as she is told. We advance one space up, then another, then another when I overhear the lady ask the child to please go back and get the wine, she has changed her mind. Finally, I get to the check out place where I can place my items from my arms onto the belt, I so very graciously, put up one of those separator bars after my stuff so the lady behind me can start putting her stuff on the belt. We advance forward and it is finally my turn (in my head I am doing a jig!), I pay for my stuff and move forward to bag the few items I got. In the meantime, the lady behind me has checked out all of her stuff and lo and behold, does not have enough cash, she forgot to grab the $20 on the table. So, she tells the checker to please take the 3-pack of Capri Suns off, her kids don't need those anyway, but keeps the wine.

This story is why I find it hard not to judge people. I am the first to admit that I am very judgmental. Lately, however, I have tried not to be as much and have tried to look at things at a different aspect. But, this lady had said once that she did not need the wine and then changed her mind (just aside note here, I think standing in long grocery lines have nearly brought me to the bottle as well!). When it comes down to it, she chooses her needs, wants, addictions, whatever, to her childrens needs. Okay, Capri Suns may not be a total need, it could have been a treat for her kids, but nonetheless, it is juice and it will probably count as one fruit serving! This reminded me of a story when I lived in New Mexico - bear with me, this one is short. I was behind a lady at a grocery store and she had a lot of groceries and was paying with food stamps. At the end, the checker tells her that the dog food she has purchased is not covered under the food stamp thing, so the lady says - and I quote - "Okay, put the dog food back and give me a family pack of hamburger instead." Now, whether or not the lady planned to feed the dog the hamburger or not, I don't know, I just found it a rather curious trade. As I found the juice/wine trade also curious.

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye met, it shall be measured to you again." Okay, with that, I will try not to judge again. But sometimes people just make it too darn easy!

Uncertainty

Who knows what will tomorrow will bring? Next week? Next month? Next year? The unknown. The uncertainty. I am one of those people who dwell on tomorrow. I wonder what will happen. Obviously, there is not a lot I can do about it, I certainly cannot change my destiny, my fate. In my mind, if I think about it long enough, I can expect the worst yet hope for the best. I can play out different scenarios in my head and know what I would do in any situation. The problem is, this never works. Any scenario I have in my head is really never the same as how it actually is. The worst thing is never really ever the worst thing. I don't generally think of myself as being negative or always looking for the wrong; in fact, I am a very positive person and my cup, well, it is always half full. "That which does not kill me, makes me stronger." Even though I dwell on tomorrow and wonder what will happen and perhaps have sleepless nights, I know what will happen, will happen. The only thing I can change about tomorrow is how I choose to look at it. If something bad unexpected happens, I eat a couple of cookies and look for a solution. Not always easy, in fact, hardly ever an easy solution is found. But, I have to keep looking for that golden lining to come through. The search is probably the solution in and of itself. The search is what keeps me focused and keeps my head in the game. If something good unexpected happens...well, I eat a couple of cookies and thank my Heavenly Father. Sometimes I may let myself dwell on what could have happened, but this takes only a few moments and then I look forward; to dwell on tomorrow for yet another day.

Memories

I have been a bit...melancholy, if you will, lately. Not depressed, not really sad, just a lot on my mind I guess. My daughter informed me a couple of days ago that she will be 18 next year. Indeed she will, next December, still over a year away, but nonetheless my sweet, baby girl will be 18 next year. This makes my sweet, baby boy (no wonder they wont grow up!) 21 next year! But, alas, I remain young! I don't feel a day over 25 myself, until I look in the mirror and see that 40+-year-old woman looking back at me or until I go to stand up after sitting all day and my back hurts just a little or I find (or one of my lovely family members points out) a gray hair.

So, I have had a couple of memories of my childhood lately. I find this interesting on many levels, but mainly because I don't have a lot of childhood memories. Repressed? Dementia? Who know, but I don't really have a lot that I remember about being young. But I would like to share those couple of things that I have remembered in the last few weeks.

First, the smell of lilacs. My grandmother used to (probably still does, I don't know) have a lilac bush just outside of her house. It used to bloom in the spring and you could smell the lilac blossoms for miles. They were special to my grandmother because of the smell and because of the color of the flowers - her favorite, purple.

Secondly, I heard a song on the radio a few weeks ago, "Nobody does it better" and this reminded me of my aunt and uncle. Okay, pay attention here -- My aunt (my mother's half sister) and my uncle (my mother's half brother) are not related. They are roughly the same age, born just months apart. My uncle had been in a car accident (now that I look back, it was a rather bad accident and my aunt and I should have been a little bit more concerned over his well being, but we were not) and we dedicated that song to him. We thought it was funny and we laughed! It still brings a smile upon my face when I think about it.

Another memory, a rather odd one, is about toys that I used to have. Natalie and I were shopping and saw this shirt:



I remember playing with those little people! I don't remember what they were called - they are not Weebles. But we used to have like planes and cars and houses that they used to play in. I remember the dog and the mean kid in the hat!

Another thing, I was reading on one of my friend's Facebook that they used to have a dog named Snoopy! Oh my gosh, my uncle (the one named above) also had a dog named Snoopy. We watched Snoopy die at the hands, or tires as the case may be, of the garbage truck. I don't remember crying, but I remember my uncle, who probably was only 4 or 5 at the time, bawling his eyes out. I feel bad for him now.

There have been a few more memories, but I am boring myself! I guess it just takes a smell or a sound to remind you of something or someone. People go in and out of your life, I think it is the ones that you remember with a smile upon your face that have made the biggest impact. The ones that are in your heart as well as your mind.

Wow, I guess I have a few blog followers because I have been asked to please update! Who knew people actually read what I wrote and, frankly, want to read more. Being the wonderful, pleaser person that I am, I will do yet another blog for my fans!

So, August has been a long month. I guess I had a few things that I was looking forward to and they have now past, so we need to move on to September which, at looking at my calender, will be a very busy month. I have learned a couple of things in the past month or so -- The first thing that I have learned is that you cannot change the past. The second thing I have learned is that nothing stays the same.

I would imagine that we all have something, perhaps maybe just one thing, that we would like to go back and change. I have a couple of times I would like to go back to and do something different. Whether it is small like picking up the phone and making that phone call that you know you should, writing that letter (or E-mail in the last few years) that may have changed things, or perhaps just letting that hug linger on just a few more seconds. Or changing something rather big like like not letting my kids go out to play that day or making sure he got that last birthday card before he died. I wonder if given the opportunity, a gift if you will, to go back and change something if we could, if we would. How much, I wonder, would it change the future? Let's say that we had the chance to change one little thing...would it matter much today? Let's say I had made that phone call...where would I be now? How about if could change one of the big things, let's say that I did not let Garrick go out that day, would it still have ended up the same way? Sadly, I will never know the answer to those questions. I have an idea of what could have happened, but, because we cannot go back, I wont ever know. You cannot change the past.

So, now that Natalie is back in school and Garrick is gone again, I am back to my regular schedule. Up at 5:00am and in bed by 9:00pm and hopefully to sleep by 10:00pm. I play around on the computer for a while in the morning, checking E-mails, playing a few games, updating statuses. I download voice files to transcribe. I work rather diligently during the day. I sometimes work in a little laundry or a little housecleaning. Often times, I work in a call from a friend, or two! On a really good day, I lunch with a friend or my husband. Natalie (now that she has made the Varsity volleyball team, YAY) gets home roughly at 5:30pm and we eat dinner right away and she does her homework. On the days that Trent works nights, he leaves around 4:00pm and I wont see him again until the following morning which we pass briefly in the hall as he is going to bed and as I am going to work. When he works days, I have the opportunity to see him in the evenings. My favorite times with Trent, however, are his days off, which have been very minimal in the last few months. I will get at least one text a day from Garrick and more than likely we will chat on Facebook or perhaps have a brief Skype chat.

So, as much as that sounds like I do the same thing every day, every day it is a little different. Nothing stays the same. In a few years, I wont have a kid in high school, I may not have one living at home (for the first time in 20+ years). I have a few gray hairs and a few extra pounds and a couple of wrinkles around my eyes...nothing stays the same. Friends come and go -- promising that you will stay in touch; sometimes yes, sometimes no. Extended family changes too; how long has it been since I saw that aunt or since I have talked with that uncle and where are their kids now? There are even some relatives, long lost cousins, that I have never met; perhaps some who know nothing of my existence. Nothing stays the same. Through miles and through years, things change, people change, feelings change. Nothing stays the same.

Confidence

What is confidence? Well, according to Marriam-Webster confidence is: 1 a: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances b: faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way 2: the quality or state of being certain 3 a: a relation of trust or intimacy b: reliance on another's discretion c: support especially in a legislative body 4: a communication made in confidence. Some synonyms of confidence are: Assurance and self-possession. So, is confidence something that can be taught? Are you born with confidence?

Here is what I think. Confidence is something that you are given. As one who has lacked confidence (I know, you would never really have guessed this, right?), I have tired to make sure that my children have always had the confidence to walk into any situation and deal with it. This may be as easy as walking into a new classroom at the beginning of the school year wondering if you know anyone, or it may be as hard as walking into a crowded room knowing that you don't know anyone, but still walking with your head up high. I think I have taught my children that no matter what you have done or what people think of you, it really does not matter. The most important thing is what do you think of yourself. Are those people talking behind your back? What are they saying? Truth? Lies? Does it matter? Hold your head up high and own the situation. Even if it is as minor as having a new haircut that you are a little unsure about to as major as a "family scandal", have the confidence, the assurance, the self-possession to take the situation into your own hands.

Garrick and the Emergency Room

So, here is my story:

Garrick, Natalie, and I were at church a couple of Sunday's ago and Garrick leans over and says that he is not feeling well. He immediately goes pale and has beads of sweat across his forehead. I ask him what is the matter and he says that he is having some really sharp pains in his side and he thinks he is having appendicitis. I look down and he is holding his left side. I ask if it is the left side, he says yes. I tell him that the appendix is on the right side. He Googles this information while in church because, of course, mom knows nothing. After Google confirms that mom is not an idiot, I ask him if he can wait until the end of the first hour, if we get up and leave in the middle....well, it is just not good to do this. He says he thinks he can. About 10 minutes later, he is like, I need to get up and walk around....he does and comes back to sit down and says that he needed to the emergency room. We have like 5 minutes left, I tell him to wait and we will leave as soon as this part is over. He agrees. We leave after the first hour and come home. I take off my dress and immediately lay down. Garrick comes in and says...I need to the emergency room. I say to him that I think he needs to just lay down and relax and we will see how he is in a few hours. He Googles left abdominal pain and comes back upstairs and says that Google says he should be seen right away. I say okay, he leaves, and I throw just a little fit. I don't really feel like an ER visit is warranted. He will be okay...but being the GREAT mother I am, I take him to the emergency room. I do, however, have the foresight to grab my book on the way out.

We get there and it is not too bad. They call Garrick in to triage and get his vitals, etc. When they call him back, he tells me that he does not want me to go back with him. I totally respect this. So, I wait in the waiting room. I wait. I wait. I wait. People come in and they go out. I read. My hips starts to hurt, so I walk around. I sit and read some more. So, I figure we got there around 10:30am and now is it about 3. This really, really sick lady comes in. (Aside note here...I have a really weak gag reflex. It is something that I have always had...I cannot help it. If something looks gross, I will gag. If something smells gross, I will gag. If someone is even talking about something gross, I will gag. When my kids were young and were sick...I usually threw up too. I just don't do stuff like that well.) Anyway, this really sick lady came in; she told them that she had been throwing up all night. She came in and sat right, I mean RIGHT, next to me. I was like oh no. She smelled like throw up --- okay, I am starting to make myself GAG right now!!!. Suffice it to say, I could not sit in there one more minute! I go to the admitting clerk and tell me I need to go back with my son.

So, I go back with Garrick and he is all IVd up and resting comfortably. I sit in there for almost an hour with him. The doc comes in and says the blood work is good and she cannot find any problems with him. DUH!! I should have made him wait it out at home and saved myself $100!! She gives him a prescription for Vicodin (this is actually very good for me! I LOVE Vicodin!). She said that she needed the nurses to come in and do one last set of vitals and then he could be released. I can hear that sick lady down the hall and I tell Garrick that I will have to meet him in the car! Finally, about 15 minutes later, he comes to the car. Fun, fun, fun at the ER on a Sunday afternoon! We get home after 4.

I think Google needs to make this comment on every page "All information, of course, is subject to your mother's opinion." THAT would certainly help me out!

Curse of the Left Hand

So...my baby girl is left handed. This has been a "problem" for her her whole life. She says that I tried to change her...this would not be true. When she was very young, even to this day, when I set the table I put the silverware on the right side of the plate. She thinks this is discrimination, when, obviously, it is the way people set the table. She thinks the whole world is against left-handed people. Here are a few examples...First, she is doing a poster for school; she has used a marker to write the word "Titanic" on the top of the poster board; because of the curse, she has smudged the title. I know...too dramatic for words! Do you know that scissors are made for right-handed people too? Yes, there are "special" scissors for left-handed people. Something to do with the blade and the way it cuts the paper. Do you know that when you go buy a softball mitt, there are hundreds, yes, I said hundreds, of mitts for the right-handed person and only two, yes, I said two, mitts for the left-handed person? Fortunately, my baby plays softball like a "normal" right-handed person. I cannot explain this...the eye doctor said once it is a right eye, left eye dominant thing. So, when she plays softball, she plays like a right-handed person which she refers to as her "time of normalcy." I know...the drama is just too much here! Did you know, when you teach a left-handed child to tie their shoes, you have to do it with them sitting across from you? The same goes for teaching your daughter how to crochet...this must be done with her looking from across as opposed to her sitting next to me. This information, by the way, is NOT in the parenting handbook! Did you know that coffee mugs with cute with little sayings or little pictures are also made for the fortunate right hander? There are several more examples of the unfairness to the left-handed person, but the most important one is that Natalie says that left-handed people die younger. This is pure crap, but of course, she read it somewhere and therefore, it is a fact. Google overrules mom - every, single time!

(Thanks Natalie for the topic!)

I am Mother - hear me roar

Some things have been going on in my life that I do not understand nor can I explain. I have so many questions: What is a mother? Who is a mother? What is a mother supposed to do for her children? How much is too much? Can a mother love her son or daughter too much? Does co-dependence actually exist for mothers and sons or mothers and daughters? Does always being there for your children make a mother an enabler? What the hell does it mean when a mother is told she did not raise her children to be independent?

These questions, of course, are rhetorical. I know the answers. I also know that as a mother, I have tried my best. Have I screwed up? Of course I have. Have I made mistakes? Of course I have. Would I go back and change anything? Not one thing. Am I proud of my children? More than they will ever know. Did I do a good job? Considering that neither child is in jail, on drugs, a drop out of school, pregnant/gotten someone pregnant, I would say that I did a fairly good job (of course their father did help too!). Do I think I was a good mother? I do, actually - and screw those that think differently.

I am going to miss my kids when they are gone and, if I have done my job correctly, they will miss me too. I, personally, do not think that is a bad thing. I am, after all, their mother.

Putting life on hold

As we grow older, things change...priorities change...thoughts change. Trent and I celebrated our 21st anniversary yesterday, sort of. For the first time in our 21 years, we both kind of put this event on the back burner with promises of celebration in the next few weeks. We both have a lot on our minds and getting our son on his mission is priority one.

Trent and I were married 21 years ago ; 21 years ago my thoughts were - I can to do this. We moved away from our families while Trent was going to school. My thoughts at that time were how I wished we could have a full refrigerator and full gas tank at the same time. Lo and behold, 6 months after we were married we received our first surprise with the news that we were expecting our first child. My thoughts at that time were how I needed to eat right and take care of my body for my baby. I knew it was a son, Trent teased it was a daughter. Though the labor and delivery were very hard and almost caused death, Garrick and I both survived. I knew at that time that we were one of the same, we were both strong individuals with a huge desire to win. My thoughts changed from me to my son. My thoughts were not merely what my future holds but what the future of my son holds. My thoughts were how can I keep my baby safe. Years passed and we went from one baby to two. I knew I was having a son, Trent assured it was a daughter. After bringing that beautiful baby girl home, my thoughts changed again. I now had two babies that I needed to raise and that I needed to care for and comfort. Could I do it? My thoughts are not as simple as they were years before. Now, I need to worry about the mortgage and the car payments. Then comes that first day of school. I take my baby boy up those steps and down that long hallway to the first grade. He is beyond ecstatic, he is so excited he can hardly breath. I cried when I got home and my thoughts were now how in the world was I going to care for my son when is out of my home for 6 hours a day now? When my son was almost 10, we had a terrific tragedy happen to my family. My thoughts were how was I going to take away the ache and the pain that a 10-year-old should never have. How was I going to make him understands God’s will when I was not too sure I understood? When he was almost 12, we moved to California. My thoughts changed yet again. We did a pretty good job in New Mexico, however, California was going to be different and perhaps harder. Could I still keep my children safe? Garrick turned 12 and started scouts and my thoughts are looking way ahead to that Eagle Award. He begins high school and thoughts change yet again. High school? How as I going to keep him safe there? Then comes high school graduation. While my baby boy is walking down that aisle to the tune of Pomp and Circumstance, all I see is the nurse bringing my baby boy to me for the first time. My thoughts are how in the world did we do it? How did we raise such a perfect son? The next step was college...I did not think I would survive. My thoughts were if I had done my job good enough, he would be okay. He called and texted a lot. I helped him with cooking and laundry. He comes home for the holidays and my thoughts are this is the last Christmas for 2 years that I will have my whole family here. Can I do it? He goes back to school, the second time, a little easier than the first, but hard nonetheless. I still received calls and texts. Then I started getting different texts in where I was being updated on the mission papers. On March 17, I received the phone call that changed my thoughts yet again, Garrick called to tell me that his papers had been turned in. My thoughts immediately went to me, to myself, to my selfishness. If Heavenly Father was going to take my baby, please don’t take him to some place that I cannot handle. Please, let him be close. On April 3, Garrick calls and says, “I am going to Montana!” I say, “When?” He says, “June 3.” I say, “Why?” Thinking this was a road trip and not the mission call. He says, “...mission?!?” My thoughts immediately went to my Heavenly Father and with my heart filled with much love and gratitude, I thanked Him. Garrick came home on April 10 and my thoughts changed yet again. My thoughts now were this is the last time my son would live in my house. He may stay with us on occasion for days or even for an extended period, but he will never really live there again. My thoughts were wondering if I had done a good enough job. As we prepare for my son to leave on this journey, I hope he knows that my thoughts will be with him every single day. Is he eating? Is he sleeping? Is he teaching the gospel? Does he need new shoes? Socks? Shirts? Does he know how much I love him?

As we grow older, things change...priorities change...thoughts change; but the love we have, it never changes. It only grows. As we put our anniversary celebration on hold for a few weeks, Garrick puts his life on hold for a few years. I said my thoughts after I got married were I can do this...those are the same thoughts I have today. The circle of life.

Insomnia

Not being able to sleep sometimes has its benefits. Last night, I was having one of these restless nights (actually for the past 3 or 4 nights, but who's counting). I had left my book downstairs and was too afraid to come down in the dark, so I grabbed one of Trent's books. Last year for our anniversary, I had purchased some books for Trent about Abraham Lincoln and he had one of these on the headboard. I don't know the exact name of the book but it is basically just a book of quotes from the great president. What a brilliant man with a brilliant mind. Anyway, I thought reading this book which has no particular plot would help me sleep - so not what happened. The more I read, the more I wanted to read.

Anyway, I came across this particular line -- "The best thing about the future is that is comes only one day at a time." That was what I needed to hear (or read as the case may be), exactly what I needed in my life right now. As I look into my future and wonder what it holds for me and my children...I try to think too far ahead. For Garrick, I am looking at him coming home in the next 2 years instead of the wonderful two years he has to serve his mission. I am jumping to the end of his adventure instead of living each day of his adventure with him. With Natalie, I am looking at her graduating in the next two years and then moving out and moving on. I am jumping to a huge milestone for her and not letting her live out the next two years, her junior and senior years of high school. Which, for most people, are great years and should be lived day by day. As for myself, I see this 43-year-old woman who is an empty nester, all alone, feeling like the best years are behind her. When in reality, I am an almost 41-year-old woman who still has one fantastic kid at home and one fantastic kid who is doing exactly what has been asked of him and is living the best life possible. I also have this husband who puts up with me every single day. I don't know how he does it, I don't think I could have done it for 21 years...

Anyway, I think I am going to think as President Lincoln did and take my future one day at a time. I don't need to look so far down the road that I cannot see the end, I need to just see what is right in front of me. I can take things one day at at time, one step at a time.

Finally using my Valentine's Gift

Okay, so for Valentine's Day, Trent asked what I wanted. Of course, I wanted See's candy and roses but I also wanted something else. I wanted a bird bath! For about the last 3 years, we have had this family of blue jays come and nest and raise their babies in my backyard. I love these birds! The daddy blue jay will come and sit outside of my window on our outside table and ask for food! I know, Trent does not believe this either, but it is true. So, I got a new camera for Mother's Day so I took a picture using it of my Valentine's Day gift.

This is where the Daddy asks me to feed him

This is the Daddy getting a little drink - using my

Valentine's Gift

Pretty cool. I have yet to see the babies, so I don't know if there are any this year or not. Last year, there were twins!!

The Countdown Starts

Today, May 3, 2009, is the start of the countdown for what I presume will be the hardest day of my life so far. In 31 days from today, my son will be leaving for his two-year church mission. I know it is the right thing for him to do and I know that he will not have one regret in taking this adventure, however, as I reflect on this, I can only think of my heartbreak. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for him to be making this step and to be doing the things which Heavenly Father would have him do, but I so love my son and the thought of not being able to hear his voice or feel his presence is almost more than I can stand. He is my first born and my first son and the first one to go out on his own. I am so very grateful for the last year that he has been away at school, that break, although hard in and of itself, has turned into a great blessing. He is slowly inching away. I think the thing that I am having very hardest time with right now is know that my son will never live in my house again. He will come for visits, perhaps even extended visits here, but he will never call my home his home again.

I am not as strong as people think and this is hard. Knowing that I am sending my son into that cold, hard world without me...I can hardly think about it. I am so grateful that he is staying within the United States, that was certainly one prayer answered. Now, if I can just make time fly! The funny thing is, time has been going by exceedingly fast lately. I will be on the computer and look at the clock and realize I have been sitting here for 2 hours; I wonder where the time has gone and I wonder how to slow it down. Where have the years gone? I graduated high school 23 years ago this month...was married 21 years ago this month...had my first baby almost 20 years ago and by second almost 17 years ago - the last 23 years have by so quickly and my greatest fear is that the next 2 years will not!

I think my parents are a little worried about me; they have been calling a lot! I think my husband has his concerns; he has been a little more understanding with the mood swings. I think Natalie is thrilled beyond belief to finally be home alone! I think my closest friends know when to come around and know when to give me a little space. I think the rest of my family loves me and will be there if I need them to be.

As Trent and I start this next phase of our journey, I wonder where it will take us?

The Four Things I Used to Do

I was working today (I know shocker!) and I did a dictation on an elderly gentleman who has a brain tumor. My doctor suggested to him that the risks of the operation would far outweigh the benefits. When I first started this job, I did four things all of the time:

First, I would instantly have all of the symptoms that every patient had or my children would have the symptoms! My poor Garrick would come in and say that he had a headache and I assumed tumor. My poor Natalie would come in and say that her neck hurt and I assumed meningitis. I would have an innocent scratch on my arm and I assumed I had a flesh-eating bacteria. Anyway, after transcribing for a little while, I learned to suppress those feelings because I felt like I had to be on antibiotics all of the time. It did not happen over night but I eventually stopped giving myself and my family every diagnoses known to man.

The second thing I did was type in my head. In my sleep. During the day while talking to my husband. During the night while watching television. In the grocery store listening in on a conversation. I typed all of the time. I would even be typing in my dreams (of course, I had a way cooler keyboard and I could type without error and the speed would literally blow you away)! I would type in my head to see if I could type as fast as I could listen. I would type in my head to make sure I could spell most everything I listened to. I just typed all of the time. I eventually, thank heavens!, stopped doing that. Now I hardly even type when I am suppose to!!

The third thing I did was look up every single word. I did not have the advantage of schooling for this career. I started doing it as a favor to my sister-in-law who worked at a doctor's office. She would hire people, train them, and they would eventually leave for a better job. She approached me one day (I was probably complaining of no money!) and propositioned me in that if she would teach me to transcribe doctors dictation, that I would stay for a very long time and not leave her in a lurch. I was a stay-at-home mommy then (a job I hope to return to one day) with Garrick who was just 3 and Natalie who was a brand new baby. I told her I would try and we would see where it went. The first 30 minute tape I transcribed took me literally 8 hours to do. I was devastated and completely discouraged. She would come over at night and go over the work and correct some of things I had and fill in the 1000s of blanks I had. As the days turned into weeks which turned into months, I got better and better. Then I started with this compulsive need to know what I was typing. I could spell rhonchi, wheezing, and rales but I had no what they were. So, as I got faster with the typing and faster with the listening, I started looking everything up. I remember one of the first words I learned was "hepatosplenomegaly" meaning enlarged liver and spleen. Okay, so what is wrong with saying enlarged liver and spleen...I don't know, but I do know that medical words are long in letters and not as long in definition! I eventually stopped doing this because, well I got into a speciality where they pretty much type the same things over, I still have a compulsion occasionally to look something up that I have never come across, but it just does not happen very often. BTW, I can transcribe 30 minutes now in approximately an hour for one doctor and approximately an hour and 15 to 30 minutes for the other.

Okay, now to the point of the whole blog today...The fourth thing I always did was get really, really sad when a patient came in who was really sick, who was dying, who was losing a child, a mother, or a father, who was beyond repair, who waited just a little too long. I will never forget when I was typing for an ER in Farmington and this woman brought in her 3-week-old son who had expired in the car and she was distraught begging the physicians to please bring her baby boy back. I wept for that mother that day and for her son. I would be so sad for days after reading about a woman who had beat breast cancer to find out it had metastized to the brain or lungs. Or that little girl who was back in the ER after "falling down the stairs" yet again. I had to finally tell myself that I could not be emotionally involved like this. I had to learn to type patients and not people. I had to learn to type word by word and not really listen to the sentence. Anyway, I typed on that elderly gentleman today and I had remembered typing that he had no family. I went up in the report to look at the words, and indeed, he had never been married, no children, and his closest living relative was a great-neice who lives in San Jose. He had no one and he had an inoperable brain tumor. This gentleman is going to die soon and he is going to die alone. It puts everything in my life in a different perspective.

My Son is Home!!!

I was so happy when he walked through the door!

I hope he knows he was missed. And I hope he knows how much I love him. Now, if we can just get through the next 53 days! I think I can...I think I can...I think I can.

Roadblocks

I have been thinking a lot lately (I know, shocker!) about ... life. Pretty general I know,but nonetheless this has been on my mind. I wonder why it turns out the way it does and I wonder if those instances where we shifted and went another way was always the right way. What if there was a roadblock put in your way, not of your own doing. Obviously you go around it, but -- my thoughts have been how far do you go around. Do you go around so far that you never get back on the same road again? Or do you take that short path and get back on that road as soon as possible? Does it really matter in the long haul? Do both paths end up in the same place?

Albert Einstein once said, "Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper."

Pretty deep, huh?

And Garrick is going to....

Garrick finally got his mission call!! He is going to Billings, Montana!! I am so very very thankful and grateful for this call!! I was so worried that he would go to another country ... Heavenly Father was looking out for me and my son on this one. I kinda figured He would, I mean, I know that He does not want me to worry and to be a frantic mess for two years. We are so excited and are so blessed to have this event on its way!

He will be leaving June 3 for the MTC. So, I have 53 days with him when he comes home next week. And then I will be seeing him again in about 730 days!!

Anyway, I just wanted to post this for those that are interested and thank all of you who had us in your prayers!

VARSITY

Okay, so my Natalie has been playing softball since she was about 4 or 5 and she absolutely loves it and is very good at it. Last year she played for the school and was on JV. She was the #1 hitter (I told you she was good!). So, this year rolls around and during tryouts the varsity coach has her catching for the varsity pitcher and Natalie is kinda lead to believe that she is going to be on varsity. When the tryouts are over and the dust has settled, literally, she was back on JV and playing catcher again. (Back story-- Natalie is a first baseman but she will play where ever asked so for the last couple of years she has been playing catcher and has finally grown to accept this and actually is loving it this year) So being on JV is no big deal, at least she is playing. A couple of weeks ago one of the coaches on varsity told Natalie she was moving up. She was excited, however, she kept this information to herself. (Back story -- LOL -- The JV team has about 19 players on it and only 5, yes you read that right 5, girls had ever really played before. So, JV really needed Natalie to stay). Yada, yada, yada...Natalie is playing her first Varsity game today!!! She again is out of her position, I think she is playing left and backup catcher, but with this team she has the potential to advance.

She is sooooooo happy and so excited, she has had a permanent smile upon her face since Monday at her first Varsity practice! I wanted to post a picture which I will do as soon as I take one!! Cross your fingers for my baby today and keep her in your thoughts.

Good Luck my Sweet, Sweet Natalie. Hit a homer!!

The Papers Are In

Garrick let me know that he turned his mission papers in last Tuesday, March 17, 2009. I am getting anxious. I know that he will go where he is needed, but I am a little apprehensive! I have MY preferences but you know how that will work out for me, so I will just keep my thoughts to myself. I remember the old saying, "Man plans, God laughs."

I will post the news as soon as I get it, reflect on it, accept it!

Bookmarks,,,,

Okay, so here is the deal...my father, yes, that 60+ year-old man whom I love with all my heart told me that I needed to update my blog. I find that funny on many levels, but the biggest is the fact that my father even knows what a blog is and what you are supposed to do on it! So, I was talking to my Favorite Daughter and told her that I needed to update my blog but that I really had nothing to discuss; I asked her to give me a word, the first word that pops into her head and I would talk about it. I am thinking that maybe she will give me something cool like....brownies or puppies or LEARNERS PERMIT (these words have been popping out of her mouth a lot lately!) but no, she gives me the word bookmark. Bookmark? Really? Here it goes...

So, when Garrick left for college, I was a bit...depressed. Although, I really will not admit this to too many people. Anyway, I decided that I needed to do something, so I did some scrapbooking (yuk) and some reading (love) and some cleaning (yuk) but I just needed to do something else. Well, I remembered at a youth conference once I learned to make bookmarks out of wire and beads. So, I thought I would make some more. I bought beads and wire and even tools (!) and started on my project. I made bookmark after bookmark after bookmark. I gave them to people, I saved some for myself. I experimented and failed, however, I experimented and succeeded too! Here are a few that I saved for myself:


I know, they are totally cool huh? Anyway, when my son leaves for two years for a mission, I cannot even begin to tell you what I will do to ease the depression. I am thinking, however, it is going to be way bigger than bookmarks! And then there comes the even bigger day when my daughter decides that she needs to graduate and leave the house too! Oh joy! What, oh what will I do all alone? Well, that, my friends, is a bridge that I refuse to cross until I come to it.

So, there you have it...I can make a fairly good discussion about any word...any takers?

Am I really that deserving?

I know I say this a lot, but where the heck did last month go? No really, not only last month, but frankly the last five years!!! It seems like time literally flies. I cannot catch up with it. Before I know it, my son will be on a mission and my daughter will be graduating high school. - Oh no, I cannot even go there...

I did want to say how wonderful my beautiful daughter is. On Sunday night, we were watching the Super Bowl, just her and I, and we got so excited when Arizona went ahead and then were totally bummed when at the end they lost. But that is not what I wanted to say... LOL. After the game, she wanted me to put her hair in curlers because she wanted curly hair (duh) for Monday morning; So, I was putting curlers in her hair and we were laughing and joking around about nothing really, just having a special mother/daughter moment when she looked up at me and said, "I am so glad you are my mother." I said awwwww and then pretended to throw up. But, truly, deep inside I was crying. She is so wonderful and I love her so much, I am so glad she is MY daughter. When I had to put my Sweet Cookie to sleep in November, I was sad when I slept by myself (when Trent was working nights) because frankly, I had not slept without my doggie for almost 12 years. Anyway, she slept with me on the nights that Trent was working...and she continues to sleep with me when Trent is working. This even means that on Saturday and Sunday, or days that she does not have to go to school, when Trent comes home at 7, she has to move to her own bed. She just does it, not once complaining.

I don't know what I did to deserve the most wonderful son and daughter in the whole wide world, but I thank my Heavely Father each and every day for them. How blessed I am.

We are finally done...almost

We have been painting the inside of our house for months now. We started with one room at a time, but when we got downstairs, because all the rooms are connected, we had to get it all done pretty much at all one. I chose a hot chocolate brown with white trim. I LOVE IT!! At first, I thought it was going to be a little dark, but fortunately we have high enough ceilings and light enough floors that it really worked out good. Trent did most of the painting, but I must say that I did the hardest part. Trent could not trim very well, he kept getting brown on the white and then white on the brown. So, I trimmed, the ENTIRE house. That is not easy work! So, really all Trent had to do was paint between the lines!

Here are some before and after photos:

Before

After

Before

After

Any way, we only have the master bedroom left but Trent (LOL) has a lot of work to do in there before we can start painting. The previous owner had wall paper on the bottom half of the walls as well as a border on the top. Oh, I guess we have both upstairs bathrooms too. Yuck...I we are far from done.

I hate it when...

someone you love is hurt and you can do nothing about it

someone you love is making hard decisions and you have to let them do it alone

someone you love is making wrong decisions that will effect the rest of their life

someone you love is having a really hard time with life

I know, I know, its been a while

Can I just say how busy I am. Does that count for not updating my blog? I think so.

Okay, let me catch you up. First...went home to New Mexico for Christmas. Had a wonderful time. I love home. Here are some pictures:

The Johnson/Wood Families (sorry its a little blurry, but I just wanted to blow it up a bit)

My brother and me fooling around

My parents, brother, and myself

My son left for school again. :-( Man, I miss him when he is gone. Here is a picture of him leaving (he had a fever and was kinda sick).

He is now feeling better and is doing homework and studying very hard!

I got a hair cut. Here are a couple of pictures:

I am still getting used to it being so short. I think I like it. At least I did not cry (this time) after I cut it. I think I was ready for a change. In fact, I know I was. I hate change, pretty much with a passion. I like to keep things the way they are. However, there have been a lot of changes in my life lately. My son going away, my daughter dating, my dog dying, etc. I felt that maybe it was time to make a change that I could have some control over.

Here are a couple of pictures of me and Natalie messing around:
I love my family and am so happy with all the time I get to spend with them.


Happy New Year my friends. Let's make 2009 a great year.