Maybe, someday.

I was channel surfing on Sunday night waiting for "Downton Abbey" to come on and I came across a Tom Cruise film that I don't think I had seen before.  It was called, "Knight and Day" with Cameron Diaz.  I didn't watch the whole thing but there was a line that kinda stuck with me.  "Someday. That's a dangerous word. It's really just a code for 'never'."

Oh my gosh, how true is THAT?!?!?  How may times in a year do I say "Someday?"  Someday this will happen.  Someday I'll travel here with you.  Someday that will happen.  I never thought as I was saying it that I really meant this was never going to happen.

It made me think about the "other code word" I use a lot...."Maybe."  Generally, maybe means no.  "Are you going to go to Moo Moo's for lunch?"  "Maybe," I reply.  Knowing that I am surely not going out for lunch and I am surely not going to Moo Moo's alone if I do.  Sometimes I may ask myself, "I wonder if this dream will ever come true?" I answer with a "Maybe."  Perhaps dreaming that it may, but in my heart knowing it wont.

So, I thought again (I know...Tom Cruise brought on all this deep pondering?!?), about the times I have have said, "Maybe, someday."  Oh my heck....what a double negative!!  "Will we ever travel to Paris and have a wonderful, romantic time?"  "Maybe...someday."  I guess, that means we will never, never make it there.  I hope the one I ask of that will not reply with the same response.  I want the guy I love with all my heart to answer, "Oh yes, my love, we will certainly be there one day."  No someday...no maybe.  

With all that said, I will still, without a doubt, reply with a "Someday" and with a "Maybe."  However, I hope as I am uttering those words, I will really think about what I am saying and change the code.  When I say those words, especially together, I will smile to myself and think, "Yes, Velvet, you will.  No code words here."

Will I see my father again....Maybe someday.
Will we find happiness beyond measure....Maybe someday.
Will this dark cloud of deep depression ever move away from above me....Maybe someday.
Will I get my fairytale ending....Maybe someday. 

Oh yes, that felt good.

XOXO

Rest In Peace

Death is never easy for those who are left behind.  I think, personally, when someone dies I wonder what I could have done differently in my life to them or for them.  I know in almost every case, I could have done nothing to prevent the death, that is not want I am talking about.  I am talking about those little, every day things.  I am talking about telling that person how you felt about them or how they made you feel.  Maybe telling them how important they were to you.  Maybe telling them, just once, that you loved them.  They get to leave this world and enter the next knowing all the truths, while we are stuck here and wonder why we didn't tell them or show them and suffer the great guilt associated with it. 

Death has never really been something I have had to deal with a whole lot.  My dad's mom died when I was very, very young and I didn't really know her well.  My dad's dad died while I was in high school, again, I never knew him.  My dad had a brother and a sister as well as nephews and nieces who passed on and as sad as I was about those passings, they just didn't really affect me much.   I had friends die while I was in school and my parents had friends who had passed away.  I was saddened by them leaving, but I was young and felt that those I was closest to, loved the most, were still here.

Death started becoming something that I truly recognized when one of my son's good friends died while they were riding bicycles in an accident when they were 11 (my son was three days shy of turning 11).  It was a great loss suffered by my family.  I loved having that little girl come to my house and play with my kids.  I loved the spirit she had and the joy she brought my family.  I will never forget her or the impact she had on my son's life.  Still has, I think.

Then, my grandfather passed away in December 2007.  I knew him.  I loved him.  I shared things with him.  We laughed.  We were friends.  He was the first dead body I ever touched.  I put my hand on his, mine warm, his not so much.  He was at peace. 

My dad then passed away in August 2010.  Far too soon.  This death has affected me in ways I will never explain.  Everyday, to this day, I am affected by this.  There is nothing that happens in my life that I don't wish I could call my dad and tell him about.  The little things...the big things.  I miss him every single day. 

We had very good friends who lost their son a day before I lost my father, far, far too soon, and other friends who lost their son a few months later. Great tragedies.  Great sadness. 

Trent lost his dad in December 2011.  Selfishly, his death left me fatherless.  I miss him, a lot.  I think a lot of the things he had done for me and the things he had said.  The way he made me laugh and the way he never made me feel anything less then "real" Wood!

Lastly, we had to say goodbye to my uncle yesterday, 02/03/13.  My dad's only living sibling.  He was a constant fixture in my life.  Every weekend, rain or shine, he would come over or my dad would go over there.  He was lonely and often times found himself "drop" by unexpectedly at dinner time! He was a great guy and I am sure never met anyone that wasn't a friend.  I like to think that my dad greeted him yesterday at the Pearly Gates and told him to come on in and watch the big game.  Uncle Jimmie, may there be a big ol' flea market that has the best deals up in heaven for you. 

I have a cousin who told me once that as the older we get we start to say goodbye more then we say hello. Death, as much as it so saddens my heart, is a part of life.  And, as I get older with each passing year, I find myself saying goodbye for the last time to people who I love beyond measure, people who have touched my life, people who I find it hard to live without. 

XOXO