Two Things...

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I wasn't going to bore you, or myself for that matter, with a thanksgiving thankful post, but I changed my mind.

This year has been a particularly rough one for my family.  The year just started off bad and got worse and then everything kind of turned around.  Trent got sick on December 18, spent time in the hospital until Christmas Eve when I begged them to let him come home.  I believe he was probably back in the day or two after Christmas.  He remained in and out of the hospital through January, February, March, and April when he finally had a surgical procedure.  He remained home, off work, until the first part of July.  During this time, I had to say goodbye to my Grandmama who had passed, who I didn't have the chance to see one last time and to say a proper goodbye.

I am not sure if anyone really knows how much my heart ached.  I made a post a while back joking about the things I learned while my husband was in the hospital, but really, there was nothing to joke about.  I also wrote a post about taking care of a chronic pain patient; that, as well, was no joke.

I am sure you would not have any idea how many tears I shed during this time.  I am sure you would not have any idea how sad and how worried and how frantic I had become.  I am sure you would not have any idea that I prayed almost every single minute of every single day.  You would not have any idea that I went to my old bishop of my ward and asked when do I start praying for other things.  I was praying for Trent to get better and to come home; I was wondering if I should be praying for God's will to take effect and take Trent 'home' sooner rather than later and to make the suffering stop.  I am sure you have no idea how I neglected my own needs during this time.  I am sure you have no idea how many fake smiles I flashed to people who asked how he was doing or how many lies I told that he was better or good or improving or how many tears I choked back so my weakness would not show through.

I really had no idea how close I thought Trent was to dying until a few months ago when we were visiting Garrick in Boise. I was talking with Garrick and Trent about the time a few months before when G had come home after T's surgery.  I inadvertently said, "...when you came home for dad's funeral..."  I mean, I knew he was close to dying and I knew the procedure was very risky and complications were likely, but to actually say "dad's funeral" brought it home, really, how my heart was hanging on to something my brain knew was inevitable.  To this very day, I get a cringe of pain in my heart and the tears start flowing when I think back to earlier this year.  The very thought of not having Trenty in my life....well, I can't even go there.

So, needless to say -- I am very, so very thankful for my husband.  I am thankful for all he does for me and with me.  I am thankful that I know he will be by my side for time and all eternity.  I am thankful that our Heavenly Father gave us more time to share.  I love you, Trenty.

I am thankful for my wonderful son.  I am so proud of him.  He has made very big decisions this year, some of which (actually probably just one of which) could have (actually did) caused him to lose friends.  He is strong and brave.  He is one of the most caring people I know.  I am terribly sorry that he had to carry a burden on his shoulders for so many years; I am so grateful that he has allowed me to help him with this, to relieve some of his burdens and take them on as my own.

I am thankful for my beautiful daughter.  She, too, has made big decisions this year.  Ones that will affect the rest of her life.  She will be soon going on new adventures and living life to the fullest doing the things that she loves.  She has gotten rid of baggage and has moved onward and upward.  She makes me so happy and I burst with pride when I think about her and her strengths and her talents and her generosity and her passion.  I am so grateful that she is in my life and for the happiness she brings.

I am thankful for my M&Ms.  Don't laugh!  I love my Maggie and my Moosie. There are nights that I find myself alone, but am I really?  I have two of the most caring, gracious doggies in the whole wide world looking out for me.  When I cry, they will rest their little heads onto my knees and let me know they are there for me.  When I laugh, they run around and share my joy.  When I leave the house, I know the very second I return and walk through the door, I will be greeted with warm, wet kisses and excitement that I have yet again returned. They are, as much as anyone else, my family.  I am so grateful to have those two knuckleheads in my life, sharing my bed and my sandwiches with me!

Finally, I am thankful for my friends and my family who have made their presence and love known to me this year, especially this year.  I am thankful for the ones who understand and stand by me regardless of what I think or how I live or what I feel.  I am thankful for Facebook for bringing friends from all over the world as close as my desk.  I am thankful for new friends as well as those whom I have known all of my life.  I can't imagine a life without these people in it.  I am so grateful that whatever paths we cross, my friends and family are here.


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The second thing...words I hate saying and hate hearing.  Actually, you will never hear me utter these words....

     LOVER
     MOIST

I am kinda gagging just typing these words!!  Yuck!  I cringe when I hear them. I wont even go into the times they could be said in the same sentence.....*GAG*.

I am sure there are more words, but those are just the two I have recently heard and I just can't unhear them!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!  May your turkey be moist and your lover be hot!!! ROFL  -- see what I did there?!?!?

XOXO

Velvet

Two Things...

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I've often said that I don't have a favorite this or favorite that.  I think my favorite thing is whatever today is.

Like for instance... Fall.  If someone asked my favorite season, I am not entirely sure I would say Fall...but today I would.  I was driving down a street today and in the rain (thank heavens for rain!) there were leaves falling from the trees.  The fall was not straight from the limb onto the street, but rather swaying in the wind and tossed around in the rain.  It was a journey for the leaf.   It caught my eye and I found myself mesmerized by the falling of the leaves.  I watched as they made their trek from the top all the way to the bottom.  I decided that Fall was probably my favorite season.

I remember as a child, we would go trick or treating and in New Mexico, where there are REAL seasons, Halloween was like smack dab in the middle of Fall.  We would traipse through the streets and while doing so, we would be kicking  piles of leaves that were accumulated at the curbs.   It was cold, too!!  I don't remember a Halloween where our wonderfully thought out costumes weren't covered by our winter coats.

Here in California, Fall is a bit different.  There really isn't a mild transition, it just happens like all in one day.  Like last week -- it was hot, like 85 degrees and I wore my sandal wedges and  jeans with a short-sleeved shirt when my husband and I went to the movies.   Like two days later, I had to put on a sweater and socks.  Just like that.  No warning.  Just 80 degrees one day to 60 degrees the next.  Green leaves upon the trees one day to dead leaves on the ground the next. There wasn't a subtle change in the leaves, like I would imagine New England or even how I have witnessed in New Mexico, but just one day green on the tree and the next day yellow in the grass.

Today, I am grateful for the Fall and for the changes.  It just might be my favorite time of the year...until Winter anyway.


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I don't know if it because of the internet or the way kids are being taught today or  maybe just the fact that I am old now and things tend to bother me more...but what has happened to pronunciation of words.

When I was in grade school, we learned that the word 'often' was pronounced without the "T" sound...off-en.  Yes, there is a "T" in the word, but it is one of those silent ones...or at least how I was taught.  Not anymore.  I hear the pronunciation ... off-ten.   I don't think that is correct!!

Also, probably. Three syllables -- pra-ba-blee.  Definitely not -- prab-lee.

Hundred.  Two syllables -- hun-dred.  Not -- hun-erd.   There are two "Ds" in the words.  Those letters, unlike the silent "T", make sounds.

My daughter has thought her whole life that she had Chester drawers in her room.  Granted, I don't know anyone who really emphasizes the 'of' in chest of drawers, but we should!  I think it tends to come out more -- chesta drawers or...Chester.

Another one...supposed.  A lot of the time supposed is paired with to... I was supposed to work today ....  I hear, suppost.  Really?   I was suppost to work today?  Really?

I realize some things are regional.  Like wash and warsh.  But some things are just like lazy I guess.  I mean, you save...what....like half a second making probably only two syllables.

I can't off the top of my head think of other words...but they are out there!  I know this because I often (off-en) find myself looking at people whilst I am out and asking myself, WTF are they saying? I know I must be wearing that look as well...that look that says, without saying it too loudly, dumbass.

I guess it's probly just me and that I let things too ofTen settle on that one, last nerve.  (Geeez...I almost want to cut my tongue out!!)

Anyway...that is my rant for this week.

And, there you have it my friends...my two things.

XOXO
(I am taking a Facebook break for a minute...I wonder if anyone will even see this?!?  I hope so, it was a good one (goodun)!)

Home Office Woes

"Mama is working right now."

The five-word sentence, is probably my biggest regret in life.  To this day, it haunts me.

I have worked at home pretty much my whole married life.  I think there was probably like a year, maybe, total that I worked outside the home.  So..I have always had a computer and an "office" at home.  The "office" thing has been a problem of some sort.  I have never really had a room that was my office, I have always just had a space.  In New Mexico, my office space was in the garage for a while, but then I moved it into the kitchen.   Here in Cali, my office space has always been in the family room.  Yes, the family room, right between the kitchen and the garage door and the television and the doggie door.... you get the picture. My office space is probably the busiest spot in the house.   I do have an empty(ish) bedroom upstairs that instead of making a guest room I could have transformed into my office.  But, I decided against it.  It was my thinking that at the time I finally got all settled into my new office, my daughter would be gone, my son was already gone, and my husband worked days or worked nights and slept days...so the family room seemed to be still okay for me.

This worked...until I got labs.  Labrador Retrievers that is!  My desk is right by the sliding glass door in the family room and their doggie door is attached to the door making their in and out traffic route right past my desk.  Without fail, unless they are in a hurry, when going outside, they make a large sweep and come right past my chair for a quick petting before they head out.  Sometimes this is as little as an ear scratch, sometimes it involves a full body massage.

Lately, in the Indian Summer days, my doggies have just wanted mama to go out and play or walk or something.  I think Moosie gets as tired of seeing me at this desk as I get at sitting at it.  When they return in from being outside, both Maggie and Moosie have been stopping by and literally pushing my chair away from my desk and standing in front of me blocking me from my keyboard.  I give them a quick scratch and then I say that terrible sentence --  Mama is working right now.
I hope my children have forgiven me for the times I said those words.  I hope they understand why.  My job is at my home, I can't just leave work at the office...because the office is right there.  Even though my furry babies don't understand as much, I hope they can forgive me as well.   Believe me...I hate saying those words probably as much as they hated hearing them.

Well...gotta do it again... Mama is working right now...

XOXO