Two Things...

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I wasn't going to bore you, or myself for that matter, with a thanksgiving thankful post, but I changed my mind.

This year has been a particularly rough one for my family.  The year just started off bad and got worse and then everything kind of turned around.  Trent got sick on December 18, spent time in the hospital until Christmas Eve when I begged them to let him come home.  I believe he was probably back in the day or two after Christmas.  He remained in and out of the hospital through January, February, March, and April when he finally had a surgical procedure.  He remained home, off work, until the first part of July.  During this time, I had to say goodbye to my Grandmama who had passed, who I didn't have the chance to see one last time and to say a proper goodbye.

I am not sure if anyone really knows how much my heart ached.  I made a post a while back joking about the things I learned while my husband was in the hospital, but really, there was nothing to joke about.  I also wrote a post about taking care of a chronic pain patient; that, as well, was no joke.

I am sure you would not have any idea how many tears I shed during this time.  I am sure you would not have any idea how sad and how worried and how frantic I had become.  I am sure you would not have any idea that I prayed almost every single minute of every single day.  You would not have any idea that I went to my old bishop of my ward and asked when do I start praying for other things.  I was praying for Trent to get better and to come home; I was wondering if I should be praying for God's will to take effect and take Trent 'home' sooner rather than later and to make the suffering stop.  I am sure you have no idea how I neglected my own needs during this time.  I am sure you have no idea how many fake smiles I flashed to people who asked how he was doing or how many lies I told that he was better or good or improving or how many tears I choked back so my weakness would not show through.

I really had no idea how close I thought Trent was to dying until a few months ago when we were visiting Garrick in Boise. I was talking with Garrick and Trent about the time a few months before when G had come home after T's surgery.  I inadvertently said, "...when you came home for dad's funeral..."  I mean, I knew he was close to dying and I knew the procedure was very risky and complications were likely, but to actually say "dad's funeral" brought it home, really, how my heart was hanging on to something my brain knew was inevitable.  To this very day, I get a cringe of pain in my heart and the tears start flowing when I think back to earlier this year.  The very thought of not having Trenty in my life....well, I can't even go there.

So, needless to say -- I am very, so very thankful for my husband.  I am thankful for all he does for me and with me.  I am thankful that I know he will be by my side for time and all eternity.  I am thankful that our Heavenly Father gave us more time to share.  I love you, Trenty.

I am thankful for my wonderful son.  I am so proud of him.  He has made very big decisions this year, some of which (actually probably just one of which) could have (actually did) caused him to lose friends.  He is strong and brave.  He is one of the most caring people I know.  I am terribly sorry that he had to carry a burden on his shoulders for so many years; I am so grateful that he has allowed me to help him with this, to relieve some of his burdens and take them on as my own.

I am thankful for my beautiful daughter.  She, too, has made big decisions this year.  Ones that will affect the rest of her life.  She will be soon going on new adventures and living life to the fullest doing the things that she loves.  She has gotten rid of baggage and has moved onward and upward.  She makes me so happy and I burst with pride when I think about her and her strengths and her talents and her generosity and her passion.  I am so grateful that she is in my life and for the happiness she brings.

I am thankful for my M&Ms.  Don't laugh!  I love my Maggie and my Moosie. There are nights that I find myself alone, but am I really?  I have two of the most caring, gracious doggies in the whole wide world looking out for me.  When I cry, they will rest their little heads onto my knees and let me know they are there for me.  When I laugh, they run around and share my joy.  When I leave the house, I know the very second I return and walk through the door, I will be greeted with warm, wet kisses and excitement that I have yet again returned. They are, as much as anyone else, my family.  I am so grateful to have those two knuckleheads in my life, sharing my bed and my sandwiches with me!

Finally, I am thankful for my friends and my family who have made their presence and love known to me this year, especially this year.  I am thankful for the ones who understand and stand by me regardless of what I think or how I live or what I feel.  I am thankful for Facebook for bringing friends from all over the world as close as my desk.  I am thankful for new friends as well as those whom I have known all of my life.  I can't imagine a life without these people in it.  I am so grateful that whatever paths we cross, my friends and family are here.


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The second thing...words I hate saying and hate hearing.  Actually, you will never hear me utter these words....

     LOVER
     MOIST

I am kinda gagging just typing these words!!  Yuck!  I cringe when I hear them. I wont even go into the times they could be said in the same sentence.....*GAG*.

I am sure there are more words, but those are just the two I have recently heard and I just can't unhear them!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!  May your turkey be moist and your lover be hot!!! ROFL  -- see what I did there?!?!?

XOXO

Velvet