The Countdown Starts

Today, May 3, 2009, is the start of the countdown for what I presume will be the hardest day of my life so far. In 31 days from today, my son will be leaving for his two-year church mission. I know it is the right thing for him to do and I know that he will not have one regret in taking this adventure, however, as I reflect on this, I can only think of my heartbreak. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for him to be making this step and to be doing the things which Heavenly Father would have him do, but I so love my son and the thought of not being able to hear his voice or feel his presence is almost more than I can stand. He is my first born and my first son and the first one to go out on his own. I am so very grateful for the last year that he has been away at school, that break, although hard in and of itself, has turned into a great blessing. He is slowly inching away. I think the thing that I am having very hardest time with right now is know that my son will never live in my house again. He will come for visits, perhaps even extended visits here, but he will never call my home his home again.

I am not as strong as people think and this is hard. Knowing that I am sending my son into that cold, hard world without me...I can hardly think about it. I am so grateful that he is staying within the United States, that was certainly one prayer answered. Now, if I can just make time fly! The funny thing is, time has been going by exceedingly fast lately. I will be on the computer and look at the clock and realize I have been sitting here for 2 hours; I wonder where the time has gone and I wonder how to slow it down. Where have the years gone? I graduated high school 23 years ago this month...was married 21 years ago this month...had my first baby almost 20 years ago and by second almost 17 years ago - the last 23 years have by so quickly and my greatest fear is that the next 2 years will not!

I think my parents are a little worried about me; they have been calling a lot! I think my husband has his concerns; he has been a little more understanding with the mood swings. I think Natalie is thrilled beyond belief to finally be home alone! I think my closest friends know when to come around and know when to give me a little space. I think the rest of my family loves me and will be there if I need them to be.

As Trent and I start this next phase of our journey, I wonder where it will take us?