Insomnia

Not being able to sleep sometimes has its benefits. Last night, I was having one of these restless nights (actually for the past 3 or 4 nights, but who's counting). I had left my book downstairs and was too afraid to come down in the dark, so I grabbed one of Trent's books. Last year for our anniversary, I had purchased some books for Trent about Abraham Lincoln and he had one of these on the headboard. I don't know the exact name of the book but it is basically just a book of quotes from the great president. What a brilliant man with a brilliant mind. Anyway, I thought reading this book which has no particular plot would help me sleep - so not what happened. The more I read, the more I wanted to read.

Anyway, I came across this particular line -- "The best thing about the future is that is comes only one day at a time." That was what I needed to hear (or read as the case may be), exactly what I needed in my life right now. As I look into my future and wonder what it holds for me and my children...I try to think too far ahead. For Garrick, I am looking at him coming home in the next 2 years instead of the wonderful two years he has to serve his mission. I am jumping to the end of his adventure instead of living each day of his adventure with him. With Natalie, I am looking at her graduating in the next two years and then moving out and moving on. I am jumping to a huge milestone for her and not letting her live out the next two years, her junior and senior years of high school. Which, for most people, are great years and should be lived day by day. As for myself, I see this 43-year-old woman who is an empty nester, all alone, feeling like the best years are behind her. When in reality, I am an almost 41-year-old woman who still has one fantastic kid at home and one fantastic kid who is doing exactly what has been asked of him and is living the best life possible. I also have this husband who puts up with me every single day. I don't know how he does it, I don't think I could have done it for 21 years...

Anyway, I think I am going to think as President Lincoln did and take my future one day at a time. I don't need to look so far down the road that I cannot see the end, I need to just see what is right in front of me. I can take things one day at at time, one step at a time.