A Light in my Life

Where do I even begin....

My sweet, baby girl, Natalie.... Wow.

A few years ago, my baby came to me and said she wanted to be a police officer. I replied that she could do whatever she wanted.  I wasn't sure if this would be her path in this life or not, but it really didn't matter, she could do whatever she wanted.  She had talked about joining the Air Force first and getting to her dream down that road.  I hated that idea, but I told her that I would support this if she wanted.

She started taking college classes in criminal justice and thought she might like to obtain the degree first and then go the police academy.  That was okay with me, if it made her happy.

She then looked into the POST Academy and decided this was her fate, this is what she would do.  She started filling out paperwork and getting things together. I watched and wondered if she would continue on with this or if something else might interest her and head her in a different way.  She stayed with it.

There were two ways to get into the academy -- be sponsored by a particular agency and have them put you through or go through as an independent.  She felt her best option would be to just put herself through.  I agreed and told her that we would help her in any way she needed us to.  The problem with going in as an independent is that you were not given first choice; if they filled up with sponsored people first, the class would be closed and you would have to wait until the next session.  There were also two sessions; first was the accelerated session which was 6 months or the extended session which is 9 months (I think). The class schedule for the accelerated session was Saturday through Wednesday, 7am to 4pm.  She, of course, wanted the accelerated session.

She applied but it would not be known until the day that the session started whether or not as an independent she would get in or not.  She got in.  She had to quit her job at Starbucks because this school had now become her full-time job. This school had now become her life.

Through the next 6 months, she did shooting tests and written tests and physical tests and driving tests.  She got up every morning, put on her cadet uniform, pulled her hair into a bun, made a lunch, and went to school.  She had bad days with tears.  She had great days with smiles and laughter.  She had days that she wasn't sure she would make it through and other days when she breezed on by. She had days when she questioned if this was path in life and days when she knew this was it.

All during this time, my heart and my head were in turmoil.  I wanted my daughter to succeed in this because it was what she wanted.  Yet, my heart, my heart didn't want her to be placed in danger.  I was torn in wanting what she wanted yet wanting what I wanted for her.   I wasn't sure what it was that I wanted, but I was pretty sure it didn't involve carrying a gun to work.  It was on the bad days that I encouraged her the most and on the great days when I questioned her the most.  I wanted to support her sooo much, yet, I wanted her to give up this dream and do something where she might wear heels to work.

In the end, I have no doubt that this is my baby's calling.  She was born to serve. She was born to make peace.  She was born to carry a gun.  She is the bravest, strongest, most independent woman I know.  She is also, by far, the most beautiful woman I know.  She holds her head high and she walks into a room and commands respect.  She is often the center of attention and has no clue that she is.  She has a smile that lights up every corner of darkness around her.  She has eyes that cannot lie, that twinkle with happiness and perhaps a little danger.  She has words that are never unkind.  She has attitude that radiates calmness and peace.  She has a light within her that shines, that pulls you in.   I have taught her everything I know and now I learn from her.

She is a brightness in my life.  She brings such joy.  She makes me proud.

Now as I watch my sweet girl starting her new journey, my heart swells with pride and joy and admiration.  My heart still worries but I trust her and her training.

My gosh, my sweet Natalie, I couldn't be more proud of you.  You are my hero, my love.

From this baby girl in blue....

To this woman in blue!

XOXO

Mom