Two Things...

I miss about my dad -- Everything and ....Everything.

Up until six years ago, August 3rd meant nothing to me.  I can't recall ever giving this date a second thought.  Now, I think about this date all of the time.  I have feelings of dread when it is coming close, I have deep sadness when it arrives, and as it passes, I know that in 365 days it will be here again.  I think about this date in May as my birthday approaches, in November as Thanksgiving approaches, in December as Christmas approaches, and in January as a new year starts and a birthday, not forgotten, is here.   I think about this date when good things happen to me and I think about this date when not so good things happen.  I think about this date randomly for no reason.  I think about my life six years ago and my life now and all the wonderful things that have been missed.  I think about my life six years from now and think about all the wonderful things that will be missed.

As I sit here and write this, I am letting myself cry and I am letting myself laugh.  I am thinking about the phone calls asking if we have had an earthquake in Cali.  I am thinking about the times while I was working on the computer and my daddy would send an instant message and I would ignore it because I was too busy.  I am trying to remember how many times I was asked if I had fallen on my head.  I am thinking about missed moments to say I love you.  I am thinking about all the times I did say it.  I am thinking about being tricked because "I can't pinch you without a thumb."  I am remembering explaining to my daddy that sideburns were out and we needed to file them down a bit - hello 1980!  I am remembering our "curfew" banter -- I am remembering my dates looking at me like I was a weirdo with a curfew of 10:23pm.  I am remembering late night pizza runs and root beer floats.  I am remembering Halley's Comet  and all the star gazing in between.  I am remembering the carton of empty "leche" flying across the room.  I am remembering taking off your boots.

Six years is 72 months, 312 weeks, 2190 days, 52560 hours.  I just know, anyway you look at it, it is a long time for a daddy's girl to be without her daddy. Even one day is a long time.

I wish you were here, Daddy.  I wish I had one more day with you.  I love you, Daddy and I miss you with every beat of my heart.  You are loved and thought of often.

XOXO

Daddy's Girl