Happy Birthday, Daddy

Today would have been my daddy's 68th birthday. I sit here and can hardly believe that he has been gone 5 months. I cannot believe the things he has missed already and the things yet to happen. I cannot believe that I still wake up some days and forget that he is gone and then be jolted back into reality. I was in a good place of denial for a few months, until going back to New Mexico for the first time since his funeral. The 16-hour trip took me back to that terrible day when my mother called to tell me that my father had had a heart attack. Those hours gave me time to reflect. I have been sick again with yet another sinus infection and surgery may be in the future for me....I would like my daddy there for me. I remember when I went in to have my second Cesarean section, I lived in the same town as he and my mother. He was such a nervous wreck the whole time I was in the operating room. They brought my daughter out and my husband came out to tell everyone that the baby had come, a healthy, beautiful girl and how much she had weighed and who she looked like...but my daddy was only concerned about me. When was I going to be out? When could he see me? Was I doing okay? The minute they brought me back to my room, he acted all nonchalant and like nothing was bothering him; but my mother had told me he was scared for me and worried the whole time I was in there and waited, not-so-patiently for me to get out of the operating room. He told me I had a beautiful daughter and had done a great job and he was glad I was okay.

Who else in this whole wide world, loves a daughter like a father? I don't think there is a much greater love than that for a daughter from her father, from her daddy, from the first man in her life.

Over the holidays, we talked about him and laughed at him and the things he did and the stuff he would say. I knew he was there in spirit (aside note here....Garrick was staying in my parents room and on the first night, the closet light kept coming on and on the second night, the television was turned to ESPN and the chair was in front of the television...Garrick thinks he was there in much more than just spirit!!). I also had my Uncle Bobby and my father-in-law around who did not try to fill my dad's shoes, but kinda did! I sat with my uncle and held his hand with my head on his shoulder...thank you Uncle Bobby. I also had my brother, my husband, my son, my nephews, and my brothers in law around. Such strong men in my life. I shall not forget the wonderful women in my life; my mother, my mother-in-law, my grandmother, my Aunt Barbara, my sister (in-law) Shelly, my beautiful daughter, my nieces, and my wonderful sisters in law (the out-laws!) Because of these wonderful people, who I proudly call my family, we all made it through. Not without tears and not without many, many memories, but we made it.

Happy Birthday, Daddy! I love you.

XOXO