Cake, Glasses, and Sybil

Having your cake and eating it, too. Why is that so hard to accomplish? In the literal sense, I often have a cake and I always eat it, too. But in the big scope of things, I just cannot figure out why this is such a hard thing. Is it because I am so spoiled and think I deserve everything? Is it because I have never really been told no? Is it because I honestly think that I need, not want, but a true need of those things?

There are several "cakes" that I have the need to eat lately! Why, o why, cannot I not be in three different places at once? Why, when I was so young, did I want to grow up? Being a grown up is certainly not all it is cracked up to be! No one really tells you that. It is one of those famous (infamous?) lives lessons that we must learn on our own. I think if our parents really sat us down and told us of all the responsibilities of being a grown up, we would have all chosen to stay home dependent upon our parents!! Of course, that is probably not true in all cases; I am almost positive had my mom really sat me down and told me what my life would be at 42, I would have laughed at her and told her how wrong she was and left to be on my journey anyway! Thinking about this -- I wonder if I have told my children all that they need to know about being grown up. The thing is, even if I told them everything, they would still need to experience it on their own. Thus...the circle of life.

Another concept that I am having a hard time dealing with lately are these stupid rose-colored glasses!! I have finally taken them off, for a while anyway, to see the real world. As a grown up, I am trying to see things for what they really are. Not trying to read to much into them and not trying to make more of them then what they really deserve. I am trying to see people for who they really are -- I am trying to look in the mirror every morning and see who I really am. Some days, I really like that woman looking back at me, some days I wonder who that older woman is, and some days I look at her and walk away, not being able to look her in the eyes. Some days there is so much pain in her eyes, I hurt for her. Some days there is so much light coming from her eyes, that I sit and smile at her and glad I know her. At the end of week, I add it all up and I have only come to one conclusion -- Sybil!

Wow...what a segue! I could not sleep the other night and "Sybil" was on Lifetime (aside note here -- Thank Heavens for Lifetime; an insomniacs dream!!). It was not the original with Sally Field but a newer remake with Jessica Lange...anyway, I digress! I sat there and watched this woman, girl really, when in a situation she did not like, someone else took over! OhEmGee!! What a great thing!! Sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "Okay, I can't do this anymore. I give up. Someone else please take over!!" Then, I should black out and wake up hours or even days later and find the problem is gone! Of course, the real Sybil is such a sad, sad story and if I needed go through her life to obtain multiple personalities, I would just assume stay where I am. But, I like the idea of just handing my problems over to someone else; however, if only that someone else were indeed someone else.

So, let's see here...I want my cake and to eat it, too, I want to wear my rose-colored glasses forever, and I want to just hand over everything I cannot handle to others to deal with. Yeah...that about sums it up!

Now....back to reality.

XOXO