And...a month goes by.

And...a month goes by.

If you know me at all, you know that I dream. I am a dreamer. I dream big, I dream often, I dream happy, I dream sad. I dream of things yet to come and I relive some memories of old. I dream good and I dream bad. I have dreams that take me to the highest of mountains with the one I love to the lowest of dark places where I am alone. I have dreams that literally take me to the front door in search of something (thank heavens I have a loving husband who always walks me back to bed). I dream of things that wake me up with a startle. I have dreams that make me laugh and some that make me cry. I have dreams that as soon as I wake up, I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep so I can dream those dreams again. I have dreams where I am awoken and hope to never close my eyes again.

I have dreams of people. People who I love. Some who I don't even know, but feel that I will meet them at some point. I have dreams of those who have passed with what I think are messages just for me. My grandmother, who I really did not know, came to me in a dream and told me that she was ready for me to do some things for her. My grandfather, who I did know, has come to me and told me things. I have dreamed of babies...my babies? I don't know. But I feel like they were mine in some way. I feel a connection to them in ways only a mother could feel.

I have yet to dream of my daddy. This saddens me. I don't know why. I think, after overworking it in my head over and over again, that he has not come to me for two reasons: First...I have really yet to accept the fact that he is no longer here. I expect him to call me on those Sunday's when my Cowboys choked to give me a chance to change my mind and to go with a different team. Or to call me and ask if my house has been shaken off its foundation by an earthquake. I am waiting for those calls. The second reason is because I think he is just too busy! He is seeing people who he has not seen or never seen and being reacquainted with his family from long ago. He is figuring out how to go on without his loved ones as we sit and try to go on without him.

My heart aches with deep sadness. I miss my father, my daddy. I hope he looks down on me and is not too disappointed in me! I hope he knows my thoughts and my intentions are good. I hope he knows that I love him and I miss him more than words can say. I hope he is waiting for me when I return home.