I wonder how long I will be writing 2015 before it finally kicks in?
I hate the expression "New Year, New You." Hate it! Natalie and I joke about it around this time of year. We will see people at Target buying sports equipment or new people at our gym or new people running with us and we look at each other, laugh, say the phrase, and laugh again. A new year is a new beginning, in a way, I guess. But, I don't think you should wait until the new year to do something. If you want to lose 15 pounds, start today. If you want to change your attitude, start today. If you want to....whatthehellever, start today. It is like resolutions, really...how long before you break them? The ONLY resolution I ever kept was a few years back when I resolved to buying a new pair of shoes every month. I LOVED that resolution and I kept it, all through the year. Maybe it is purely my selfish nature, but maybe I kept this resolution because I got something physical out of it. Twelve new pair of shoes...yes, please!! This, however, hardly made me a better person or a thinner person ...maybe a happier person!! All the other ones...eat better, be nicer, be more positive, don't be such a bitch, laugh more....blah, blah, blah...in a week I'll be yelling at someone for something minor making a big scene while eating a Snicker bar!!!!
I have learned a lot in the past year. I have been through a lot in the past year. I have faced things that I never thought I would. I have grown as a person, as a mother, as a wife. None of these things started with a resolution nor did they start with the new year. Things were thrust upon me and I either let them get me down or I fought until it was good or I continue to fight for what I believe is right.
I am so thankful my family made it through the year with little loss and little heartache. We lost my grandmother almost a year ago, but in reality, that was more a celebration of life than a loss. We made it over the some hard bumps. I am grateful to have the friends, who I have picked to be in my life, and the family, who, though not picked personally, belong in my life. I am grateful to those I know I can count on and, though sorry for the loss, grateful to those who have walked out or been cast out of my life. Everything happens for a reason.
I wish I could give credit where credit is due, but I cannot remember who said this. I belong to a secret, private group on Facebook of Mormon Mothers with LGBTQ children. Someone said this recently and I cried when I read it because it is me today. It is how I live my life now. And it is indeed regret for not living my life like this always. This is my new motto. This is my new outlook on life. This is who I am today and who I want to be always. One of my Mama Dragon friends said:
I used to see things in black and white, now I see things in rainbows.
I love that. I love feeling like that. It has little to do with having an LGBTQ child and everything to do with the kind of person I want to be. I want to be a ray of sunshine, not a cloud of doom. I want to shine bright, not be dulled and left behind. I want to smile and have you smile back. I want to make a difference in any way I can; whether it be letting the last piece of chocolate go or taking money from my pocket and handing it to you. I want to support things that are important to me. I want to wear my rainbow glasses and see the world as it was meant to be seen!
Remember -- New Year -- NEW YOU!!!!
XOXO
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