Who is she?

To my friend who is trying to figure out who she is...

Dearest Friend:

Who are you? Who am I? Hard questions, really. I am not even sure the smartest, the most in-tune, the best people really know who they are. I believe you are probably different people to different people. I would imagine to your husband, you are the love of his life. To your children, you are a mother, sometimes understanding, sometimes not so much, sometimes compassionate, sometimes strict, sometimes fun. To you parents, you are the only girl, the baby, the one who maybe needs them a little more than she used to.

Of course, I am just guessing here...knowing what I know about you.

Here is what I think...this is who you are to me --
You are a very kind, gentle woman. You come off has having a hard edge, but those who really know you, know that it is not has hard as first thought. You are beautiful inside and out. Your soul shines through. You shoot your mouth off at times!!! Not to me, really! But I so love it when you call me and tell me, "Velvet, you will never guess what I said to who?" or "Oh my gosh, why can't I think before I talk?" I have to tell you, those phrases never cease to put a big smile upon my face! When I get a phone call that starts off like that, I know my day is made! Sometimes, most times really, it is never as bad as you think. I do think, however, you have the ability to surprise people with some of the things you say. You come off as being more prim and proper than most, so when one hears a "dammit" or a "shit" or a "bitch" come out of your mouth, it causes one to double take! But, not to offend you or anything, you hardly surprise me anymore. I think I know you now. I think I know the real person. When you slip and tell me something that some people might be offended by, I see where it is coming from and take it for what it is worth and usually laugh at you...or with you in most cases! And, dearest friend, most of the time, you have taken the words right from my mouth.

You are a terrific mother. I know sometimes you don't think so and I think you think you have more reason than not to believe this. I see you, obviously, from the outside, but I absolutely know that you put your children first. They may tell you that you yell (who doesn't?) or that you are strict (who isn't) or that you are mean (oh, puleeeze), but frankly, if your kids aren't saying stuff like that occasionally, you probably aren't doing that great of a job!

I know you feel that you pushed your child excessively and that you maybe did not think everything through. I wish I could tell you that you are so wrong about this. I wish I could show you what I saw. I wish I could let you see you through my eyes and let you know my deepest thoughts on this. I wish I could tell you what a special woman you are to endure the things you have. I wish I could tell you that you are one the strongest women I know and you were picked to endure the things you have because you can. I wish I could tell you that surviving the things you have would have put most women, including me, over the edge. I can tell you, dearest friend, I would never have survived the things you have. I would not have. I know you think that you have not survived, but you really have. I know you have bad days and I know you second guess the things you did and did not do and I know there are days when you wish you could just leave this world behind, but none of these things make you less of a woman, less of a mother, less of a friend. I wish, my friend, that I could show you how wonderful of a person, of a mother, you are. I wish I could show you the love I see you have for those around you.

When I was at a very, very low point in my life. When I was covering things up and not talking to people (still there, by the way), when I got to the point that I had to talk to someone (outside of my family), you were that person. When I called you and asked you to fast for me and my family but I could not tell you why...you did, without question, without doubt, without hesitation. Then, there came a day when I had to tell you, it was inevitable, you were going to know and I wanted you to know from me. I called you. You came to my house and you sat here. You let me cry my eyes out on your shoulder. You let me bitch and moan about the circumstance. You let me bring others down with me as I was wallowing. You never judged me. Not once. You never told me I was wrong. You never tried to let me see the "bright side" of the situation as there was not one. When I was facing this, you were the one person that I knew I could count on. Thank you. Thank you for being there for me that day, those days.

To this day, suffering the things we are both suffering, trying to deal with just waking up every morning, you are one person that I know I can call and tell just about anything to. You are one person who I can sit on the phone with for hours and hours and laugh one minute and cry the next. I know I can tell you anything and I know the things I tell you stay with you and you keep them. You give me your opinion and I give you mine, neither of worrying anymore, really, about hurting the others feelings...we are past that now. I know you have my back and I hope, you know, without question, that I have yours.

So, my friend, who are you? Who cares?! You are who I need you to be when I need you to be it. You don't question me and ask me why or why not or find out what you can do or what can be done...you just call me and listen to me and talk to me. Who are you? You are a tremendous woman with a big heart, with lots of thoughts, with lots of love, who hates to be hugged but who can find it in her heart to give me that hug when I need it, who does not bring too many people too close, but once you let us in, I think we are there for a while. You are a woman who most would like to be, I think. You are so funny, a trait I don't think a lot of people actually know. You are such a smart ass...again, not thinking a lot of people would know that! You make me laugh when I need to. You make me think, sometimes way more than I want to. You make me know how very blessed I am to have you as a friend. You, my dear friend, are someone I am extremely grateful to have in my life.

I love you....I know...you hate that, too!! Bite me!