A Year

As I sit and write this post, I can hardly believe that it has been a year since our kidney surgeries.

The first few months, I wasn't sure if i would ever start to feel better.  I was weak and I was tired and I had little energy and I was just sore.  Then gradually things started getting better.  One day, I would stay awake just a little longer.  One day, I would not nap.  One day, I might have the energy to fix dinner and even do the dishes.  Then the next day.... down I would be.  The pain was not tremendous, but my body certainly knew I had abused it!   The ones that love me the most, called and asked how I was everyday.  I received cards and cute little gifts from friends who just wanted me to know they were thinking of me.

Then in early February, I received the call that the job I had applied for 14 months earlier was available and that the academy I was to be in was to start on February 27.  I had doubts if I was going to be able to make it.  I talked with Trent and prayed a lot about if I would just push it back until the June academy.  But, I am not sure if it was just my will or just the fact that time had passed,  I started to have more energy.  I started to walk around the block, twice!!  I could walk to the mailbox and not be winded.  It was like, it was all coming together.  We decided that I would give it a go and if I just could not, I would ask for an extension and see if I could start later.

I guess at this point, I can say the rest is history....  I got the job, went through 10 weeks of academy, graduated, and have been on the job now for like 23 weeks.  I  have had blood work and though not exactly where I was preoperatively, I am well within normal ranges on everything.  I am back to my normal, snarky self! 

I don't feel as though I have lost a kidney, I feel as though I have expressed my love for my family.   In this year, I have gained a son and am welcoming my first grandson in the next month or so!  Live has been pretty good for Trenty and me. 

As for Russell, he had his one-year evaluation and has been cleared.  His numbers are good and he and his beautiful wife have just welcomed grandchild #20 into their lives!  They have traveled a few times this year and have big travel plans in the future! Though Trenty and I wont be with them...I kinda will, wont I?!?!

Again, thank you all so much for your extended love to all of my family. 

Happy Kidneyversary!!!

XOXO

The Big 5-0...

If you have hung around with me the last few months, you know I have been saying that I am 50.  I was taking it out for a little spin.  It felt okay....until today.

Today was the big 50 day.  I cried a little, I can't lie.  I have had a great weekend with the hubby this weekend, but today, I was a little sad. 

After my first bout of sadness, Trent said this, "You have so much to look forward to.  You have started a new career.  You have two wonderful children who are happy and healthy and doing so great.  And...you donated a kidney to my brother and saved his life.   I don't know anyone in the world who can say all of that."  That helped. 

Then my friend Dyanne took me to breakfast and she made me feel wonderful and young!  She may be a big, fat liar, but she told me I don't look my age!  That made me feel better. 

My mom and my children called and sang to me.   As badly as they all sing, it was so great to know they love me and are willing to embarrass themselves by singing!! 

The last thing that happened today was, in my bout of total selfishness, I had forgotten the date.  I mean, yes, it was my birthday, but it is also the 6th-month anniversary of Russ' and my surgeries!  He sent me a picture of him with a cupcake with 5-0 candles lit on top!   He was celebrating his kidney's 50th birthday.  That was amazing.  I am still just amazed and in awe of how well he is doing.  It makes my heart swell. 

This year is really going to be a great year.  I expect new adventures and new life changing moments.  I think starting my 5th decade of life is going to bring such wonderful joy and such amazing adventures.  I can't wait to spend this time with my family and with my friends who I love like family.  I can't wait to see what this thing called life has in store for me!

If you are reading this, I am so thankful you are in my life and I count you as a blessing every, single day. 

XOXO

The Rest of the Story

Okay...my gosh!  Here is the rest of the story!

Let me see....where did I stop.  Oh yeah!  The surgery!

This blog post has the same as previously; it was written in increments and it may or it may not flow.  I will do my best.

So, Trenty and I came home from SLC and we had to get things together.  I cleaned the house as I knew I wouldn't be able to do it for a while.  Yes, I know, I had Trent around to take up some of the slack, but I knew he would be going back to work and his schedule wouldn't permit him to take care of me, work, and take care of the house.  I had to pick and chose!  I got a wonderful dog person to come to the house to feed the M&Ms and Soup.  She was great!  I did all the laundry and made sure all the beds had clean linens and clean towels.  All of this did really nothing to take my mind off the upcoming surgery.  I was scared.  I was nervous.

The doctor had told me that it would feel as if I had been hit by a mack truck for a few days (man, oh man, was he not lying).  This is how it was explained to me: Russ would be going into the hospital sick, having surgery to help him, and leaving the hospital feeling so much better.  On the other hand, I would be going to the hospital feeling 100%, having surgery I did not need, taking an organ that was perfect, and leaving the hospital feeling worse.  YAY!  I was so looking forward to that!!!

We left the day before the procedure, Monday, November 20, to SLC.  We had a room reserved for us for our (mostly Trent's) stay whilst in SLC.  We arrived late in the afternoon.  My daughter and her boyfriend flew in from California and arrived almost at the same time.  We decided to have a last dinner and then I had some prep do to at the hotel (I wont bore you with those details, just know it was not pleasant!).  Nattie and Jose met Trent and I at Olive Garden and Ilene joined us.  Russ had to do one last dialysis and would not be able to join us for dinner.

We had to be at the hospital at 6:00am.  I know!!!  Trent and I arrived a bit early.  I was nervous and I needed to get to the hospital and get settled.  Russ arrived shortly after me and we sat in the surgical admit area together for a while.  There were tears.

I got called in first.  My surgery would be performed first.  They took me back and gave me a wonderful gown to dress in!  YAY!!  And I got my IV started and got the low down!  Russ was called back shortly after.  He and Ilene came to my room and we chatted for a minute.  Ilene wanted a picture:

This was it!  Look closely!  No make up for me!  Russ, I think, cheated and had a bit of powder and eye shadow on.  I shall never take another photo without a little something something on!

Ilene had asked if it was okay to post this photo to social media.  Up to this point, I had kept quiet about this whole thing.  I just didn't want people to know what was going on.   For many reasons, but mostly because really up until that very day we had no idea it was going to go forth.  There were so many factors and tests and things that could stop the progress of this.  My health, Russ's health, scheduling problems, the list was really endless.  In fact, right after this picture was taken, my doctor came into my room and told us we might be put off for another week.  There was an emergent case that came in and that pushed us back. The surgery may or may not happen this day.  Really...I would say that was probably the worst part of this whole ordeal.  That very minute when we were told it might not be happening today.  I had psyched myself up and was ready right then.  I don't know if I could go through another week of waiting.  I was scared and I know Russ was too.

In the meantime, back to posting the picture.  I told Ilene to blow it up!  I was ready to share!  Her daughter made the first post and it just went from there.

The plan was to wheel me up to the OR and wait.  IF the surgery was to be done, they could start right away with me, being already to go, and then Russ's part would follow shortly after.  I don't know really where Russ was during this time.  I was in the hallway in the OR watching people go in and out of rooms and I just waited.  I prayed...a lot during that time.  I don't even really know how long I was there; it felt like hours.  Finally, my doctor came and said it was a go!  And a go it was!

My surgery would start first and then about 20 minutes before the actual removal of my kidney, they would start Russ's procedure.  It was at this point that I was given some kind of anesthesia through my spine.  Not an epidural, but something that would supposedly help with my recovery (it didn't, but more on that later).  I felt every bit of my spine being tapped!  I was cracking jokes and making fun and being my usual jovial self.  In fact, one of the nurses asked my doctor if they could let me stay awake during the procedure because I was so much fun!  He said no. I was kinda glad about that.  The last thing I remember is being told to tell my kidney good-bye and start counting backwards.

Here is a picture of my kidney while it was still mine!!

I can't remember the magnification on it, but you can see my surgeon 's thumb at the top which is really big!  Those are the two arteries that were attached to me and to my kidney.  They left them attached to my kidney (this will be the last time I say "my" kidney, because as soon as it left my body, it was no longer mine!) so they could attach it to Russ.

What an amazing process.  Really.  When I think about it, I am just amazed.

The next thing I remember was coming out of the anesthesia in the recovery room.  I had asked for my husband and my daughter and was told they were waiting for me.  I have no idea how long the surgery took.  The only thing I remember about being put out was I went fishing with my dad.  What a wonderful time we had.

I was in and out and I remember seeing my family come in and out.  Trent, Natalie, Jose, Ilene, Thelissa, Tamilisa, Jeremy, Michelle...probably others, but I have no memory of any of this, really.  I do remember later on that evening having Russ WALK into my room.  He was already walking!!!  I was dying, but he was walking.  It was such a site for my eyes to see.  I thought that if I died right at that moment, it would be okay, because Russell had walked to my room just a few hours after his surgery with a working kidney!!

The next two days were terrible.  Terrible.  Ter Ri Ble!  There was a lot of throwing up, a lot of dizziness, a fever, a neck ache, a headache.  They tried to get me to stand and just sitting up would cause dizziness which would trigger the vomiting.  I could not move without throwing up.  I was injecting myself through the PCA pump with pain meds, but those did little to help with anything else.  They were giving me meds for the dizziness, nothing was helping.  They were giving me meds for the neck and head pain, nothing was helping.  Finally, we got the dizziness under control, I think this was the third day.  But there was still vomiting and a fever.

It was then decided that the epidural thingie (I can't remember what they called it) had probably made a leak in my spinal canal causing the headache and neck ache.  They had to do a blood patch; taking blood and putting it into my back in hopes that it would seal up the hole made from the injection.  I had to lie flat for a few hours and not move.   This helped with the nausea and with the neck ache, but not the headache.  They finally had to give me a major dose of a couple of medications to get rid of the headache.  Finally, I was able to sit up and even stand.  This was the fourth day.  Trenty had even helped me shower!

Russ had continued to make trips to my room and these short little trips did everything to help me get up.   He was so inspiring to watch.  Walking into my room.  I decided that I was going to walk to his room!  This was not like the next room, or even the next, next room.  I had to go clear down the hall on the other side of the wing!  I stopped a few times to rest and drank some water...you would have thought I was climbing Mt. Everest!  But I made it!!!  I made it to Russell's room!!!

There were many visitors in those days.  All Russ's family as well as his ward family.  They brought flowers and cards and drawings from the little kids and a get well sign for my wall.  They took care of my husband and fed him Thanksgiving dinner and made sure he was okay.  They popped in and said hi and always made sure I was doing okay.   My kids called to see how I was.  My brother and mother and aunt called to make sure I was okay.  Several family members texted Trent and kept in contact that way.  I was gifted a few items from the hospital.

Finally, on Saturday they said I could go!!  Although, we had to stay in SLC for a few more days as I had an appointment on Monday for my final check up.  Trent took me back to the hotel and I pretty much slept.  I remember him making me mac n cheese which was delicious!  And I remember Ilene had sent over a case of Diet Coke.  I was pretty much set!  I mean, really...what more could a girl ask for?!

I really don't remember Sunday at all.  I am assuming there was football and of course sleep, but other than that, I have no idea.  I don't even remember what was for dinner that night!  I did take a shower.  My pain meds were only lasting me 2 hours, instead of the prescribed 4.  Trenty, the angel he is, did not once tell me it was too early.  He just would bring me water and my pills.

Finally, Monday was here.  I did a little hair and make up...though it was really, really hard!  I did some labs before my doctor's appointment.  They released me and told me I was good to go!  There would be no future follow ups on my side.  I will have to do some blood work over the course of the next 2 years, but nothing like preoperatively.  After a tearful and heartfelt goodbye with Russ and Ilene, we were headed home.  I just wanted to be home, sleep in my bed, hug my fur babies, shower in my own shower...you get the picture.

A quick little side note here - we had to stop every 30 minutes or so on the drive home, per doctor's orders.  During one stop somewhere in Utah, I don't remember what town it was, we had stopped at a Subway.  Trent was in line getting us our sammies whilst I went to the little ladies room.  The lady in front of Trent struck up a conversation with him.  He told her what we had done in SLC and that we were going home.  She paid for our sandwiches.  I know, right?  That was super duper sweet.

After an extended period on the road, we were home.  Nothing feels better than crawling into your own bed after a week in a hospital bed.

As I look back and read and edit this blog, I will try to breeze by the rest of the story for you.  This has just drug on and on... I am so sorry!

The recovery has not been easy, but it wasn't expected to be.  I have recovered pretty much as expected.  There have been some highs and some lows, but every day seems to be just a bit better than the day before.  I am feeling almost back to normal.  I still tire very easily and sitting up for too long is still a problem, but I just continue to take steps forward.  As I had mentioned previously, Russ's story is not mine to tell, but I will tell you that is doing really, really good.  His kidney is doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing.  He is still on a number of medications for antirejection and other things, but he is just doing amazing.  He may have to have one future procedure, but it will be nothing like the transplant surgery.  He just amazes me!! So far - so good.

A couple of things I needed to mention but didn't know how to incorporate it all in:

• Russell had to name his kidney!  It is like a right of passage thing, I assume.  It is his kidney now and he needs to claim it and naming it does exactly that.  He named the newest addition to his family, Elvis.  Yes, Elvis.  Russ is often heard around Utah saying, "Thank you, thank you very much." 
• My husband, my rock, the love of my life; I just don't know how I would have been able to do any of this without him by my side.  He has lifted me up and carried me.  When I was asked why I did this, my answer is because I love my husband.  
• My family -- amazing!  I have the best family, both immediate and extended.  They have loved me and prayed for me and worried about me.  I know, I could not have recovered as well or as quickly without them by my side.  
• My friends!!!  Thank you!  I know you have kept me close in your hearts and it means so much to me.  
• Ilene.  She is one classy, classy lady.  She was always put together, every single day.  She looked like a million bucks!  She smiled and she kept everything together.  She gave me help when I asked and even when I didn't.  She checked in on me every single day, even though she really didn't have to.  She is so strong and such a wonderful person.  I didn't know her very well before all of this, but now I know I will never forget her.  She is my sister.  
• The bond between Russ and I is something I am not eloquent enough to express with words.  Outside of my marriage and birthing my sweet babies, this has been the best experience of my life.  I am so grateful to Russell for giving me the opportunity to be a better person.  He tells me what I have done for him, but I really don't think he understands what he has done for me. 
• My name will be engraved in the Celebration of Life Monument at Salt Lake City's Library Square in August 2018.  I will keep you up to date on that!!  
• A few pictures of gifts from the hospital, my family, and my friends:              
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

As of today, it has just been over 6 weeks since the procedure.  I am doing well.  I am still healing but getting better every day.  I still tire easily and have to take it easy.  The scars are healing and not near as angry, soon they will blend in with the rest of them!  As I am on the path returning back to my old self, I realize I will never be my old self again.  I am a better person for having this amazing experience. I have grown without knowing I needed to.  I have experienced something that really has opened my eyes and my heart.  I have learned to love life even more. 

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."

Winston Churchill

XOXO

Part One...

Well...it has only been like a whole year since I posted, so I thought I would share a little bit with you!

My kiddo asked if I was going to write a blog post about my experience in being a living kidney donor.  I thought about it and asked my brother-in-law, Russell, the recipient, what he thought and he was in favor of the idea.  I can't tell his story, but I can tell you my little part in it.

Just a little note here - I am still recovering from the procedure, so this has been written in phases.  I have tried to make it flow, but if there are steps or jumps that happen, this is the reason.

So, I really have no idea where to start -- the beginning I guess.

In May 1968 ... What?   Oh...not that beginning.... Okay!

I will start in April of 2017.  This is the month that both of my brothers-in-law, Russ and Bruce, came to visit Trenty and I in Las Vegas.  Along with their beautiful wives, of course.  It was at this visit that Russ had confided a bit with Trent and I and had told us he was having "some" kidney problems.  He talked of an incident at school (he's a teacher at UofU) that was concerning, but then said that he was doing better.  He really didn't make it seem like a huge big deal.  But, later we found it, it really was a big deal.  Ilene, Russ's wife, said they were simply in denial at that time and really could not bring themselves to say he had kidney failure and needed a kidney.

So, let's jump to about June of 2017.  Trent gets a call from his sister and asked how Russ was in April when he visited us.  Trent told her that he seemed fine, why?  She stated at that time that Russ was in need of a kidney.  We were shocked, really!  Both Trent and I thought back on our conversations with Russ and Ilene from their visit, and we could not really think of any clues they had given that he was in that kind of trouble.  It appeared that Russ had been on dialysis for a few months and was in search of a donor.  His children and their wives all went through the donation process and were eliminated for one reason or another.  His wife, Ilene, was not a terribly good match, but they were going to go ahead and use her kidney because it was the best option they had.  Though, not being an exact match, would mean extra treatment before and after for Russ and the outlook was not as favorable.

Trent said that he wanted to donate his kidney.  I immediately said, "Absolutely Not!!!"  Not with all the trouble Trent had just a few years ago.  I could not watch my husband go through another hospital stint and another recovery. Besides, as it turned out, he would have been eliminated as a candidate right from the start.  So, we talked about it a bit and I went on my own to think about it.  Later that day, I went to Trent and I said I wanted to see if I could donate.  He was shocked, I think.  But he said that Russ was in trouble and if this was something I thought I could do, well then I should.  I talked with my children about it as well, before coming to the final decision, and they were both okay with it as well.  I thought a little more about it and prayed about it and I felt this was the right decision.  So, I asked Trent to text Russ and get the information on how I could become a living donor.

A side note here - Trent told me at that time that if I went through with this, he knew in his heart I would be a match and that I would donate.  He just knew.

Russ, shocked!, sent us the information.  I waited a day or two, just to make sure it still felt right.  I went to the online site and put in my information.  I got a call back shortly after (I cannot remember the time line here) and we started the process.  This was in July 2017.

The process starts off with a questionnaire.  In this, you are asked what health conditions you have, what health conditions are in your family, what medications you take, and a few other health-related things.  The first question that eliminates most people is high blood pressure.  If you have any kind of any kind of HBP, you are out.   I sailed through this first part with flying colors!!  Next steps were blood/urine tests.

The first step was, of course, to find out my blood type and if it was compatible with Russ's.  We, remarkably, have the exact same blood type.  Onto the next step.  The next two steps were all kinds of blood work for compatibility and antigens and antibodies and diseases and counts and....it just goes on and on!  There was a small problem with my WBC in that at one point it appeared I had a bit of an infection (I had a root canal that messed with my numbers) and that my eosinophils were elevated (I have TERRIBLE allergies).  So, once these  were figured out and cleared with the physicians, I had to undergo some personal health tests to find out if I was healthy enough physically.  I underwent a routine woman health evaluation.  In this testing, my mammogram came back with some abnormalities -- but it always does!  I had to undergo a sonogram and a magnified mammogram.  These finally came back okay and showed normal dense tissue findings.  Finally...we were ready to move on.

Okay, so not to make it sound like such a cake walk... I started testing in July and my last testing was finally done in late October.  It was not a process which can be done in a day or two, nor a month or two.  It was a lot of testing and a lot of waiting.  This was one of the reasons we didn't tell people what was going on.  The process was long and at any time, I could have been eliminated for any reason.  Trent and I just felt it was best to keep this just between us, our children, and Russ.  I did eventually tell my family as we got closer and I did have one really terrific friend who talked me down a few times through the process that knew earlier on.

On a side note here, Russ and I were really not allowed to talk.  It was against the "rules."  It makes sense, in that I wasn't to feel any pressure, but then again, he is my family and it seemed stupid that we were not talking about all of this.  I would text Ilene on occasion just to keep her up-to-date on where I was in the process.  I felt it was important for them to know I was still continuing on.  His physicians were not allowed to really tell them anything about me or my process; just that there was a healthy, compatible donor in the testing process.  Trent would occasionally text Russ and tell him the same.  Also, I think it is important to mention here that Every. Single. Message. from Russ or Ilene to either Trent or I included the phrase, "Of course, if this doesn't feel right at any point, you can back out.  There will be no hard feelings."  Or something of that sort.

So...now we are to late October 2017.  At this point, things were at almost a stop.  All the testing had been done, so there was a bit of a stall.  At this point, I found out the Russ was dropped to Category 7, from Category 1, from UNOS, because he had a potential living donor.  This freaked me the heck out!!  I was like...if this is the case, we need to hurry the hell up!  I can't be the one responsible for him losing a kidney donation from a deceased donor.  At this point, Trent said it was ridiculous that we could not have any contact; he felt that the initially process was complete and that we could, should, be talking with Russ and Ilene. He called Russ and broke the rules!!!  Together, we got the ball rolling!

I had to travel to Salt Lake City in late October for an examination by the clinic.  This whole time, I was doing the testing in Las Vegas and they were sending the results to SLC.  So, it was time that they do an evaluation.  So, I flew alone to SLC for this evaluation.  This was a 2-day process.  I had to get blood work done, radiological testing done, EKGs, and a psych evaluation (I was worried about that one!!).  There was not a moments rest in those two days!  I stayed with Russ and Ilene..so the whole "no contact" thing was blown out the window!  On the day I was flying home, I got a call stating that there was a problem with my liver.  I had to do one last test on my way out of town to test the liver.

Then the wait.  Yeah, I know, you would have thought that the whole 4 months was the wait.  But, no!  The wait was for the board to evaluate the case and to decide if this was a go or not.  The board meets on Thursdays, so we had to wait.  The first Thursday rolled around and no call.   I waited patiently (ha ha ha).  I finally called my nurse in SLC to find out what had happened.  Did we get approved?  Declined?  She said our case was not reviewed.  Oh my gosh...are you kidding me!!!!  The next Monday the nurse called and said there was still an issue with my liver and told me I needed to go to St. George for further testing.  We finally worked this all out and we were on, again, to the board.

WE GOT THE GO AHEAD!!!!  Now, let us schedule a date and let that date be soon!!

Through various hiccups and scheduling problems, we were finally put on the surgery schedule for November 21!  Yeah, two days before thanksgiving.  I had to go to SLC the week before for preoperative work (it really was a never ending testing story).  Trent and I drove to SLC.  We had a wonderful, wonderful family gathering on Sunday.  Russ has the biggest, bestest family ever.  Including us, there were 29 people at their house that Sunday.  It was really a great time.  I got to see family I haven't seen in a long time and I got to meet new family members!  There were six (6!!) desserts!  I know!!  The meal was spectacular but the company was even better.  I went to do my testing the next day and Trent and I returned home.  I had to get the M&Ms a caregiver (LOL) and get that scheduled and I had to get the house ready and clean and I had to prepare, mentally, for what was going to happen....

I think I will stop here and continue on another post for the surgery.  Stay tuned!!!



XOXO

Grandmama's hands

The other day I wore my grandmama's ring which was willed to me.  I don't often wear it, but sometimes it is the perfect accessory.

When I was wearing her ring, I was thinking about her and what she would be thinking of the situation.  I sometimes chuckled to myself because I am sure some of her comments would have been quite colorful!

The one thing that I noticed that made me sad was that my hands do not look anything like hers.  I remember her wearing the ring almost everyday of my life and I can remember holding onto her hand and looking at the ring.  I have a mental image, but not a physical one.  I wish I had a photo of just her hand. Maybe it sounds weird, but I would like to see the details that are fading in my memory.  In my youth, I wish I would have been more thoughtful and thought a bit of the future without Grandmama and maybe snapped a picture of her hand, maybe even a picture of her hand holding mine.  And, ultimately, I wish I had a picture of her hand holding my mom's hand, holding my hand, holding Natalie's hand.

We take pictures now (thank you smart phones) of every detail of our lives!  What we had for dinner, the moon, the sunset....  But some of the more important things are only in our memories.