Missing Miss Maggie

 Even though she sits at my feet, my Sweet Maggie girl is pulling at my heart strings.  Even though her tail wags and her face smiles, my girl is sick.  Even though she gets up every day, her sweet body is failing her.  Even though she’s been literally by my side for almost 12 years, our time is coming to the end.  

Maggie hasn’t been feeling herself for a few months now. Back in like April, she started panting and pacing, especially at night.  We thought she was just getting hot here in Vegas and she just needed some time to acclimate.  After a little while, we took her to the vet, after convincing them that it was more than the weather.  At first her vet wasn’t convinced there was anything wrong with her, but we insisted that she was off, that there was definitely something wrong.  

It was thought that she may have Cushing Syndrome.  Blood tests were ran.  After a few days, these came back fairly normal, for a senior baby. The vet then said that she wanted to monitor Maggie at her office for a day.  After this day, the vet said she did not really think anything was wrong with Maggie. She didn’t observe her breathing hard and perhaps we were just being overly protective of her.  Aside note here, whilst sleeping, Maggie is good, no breathing problems; obviously, they had left Maggie in a kennel all day during her observation.  

At this point, we insisted there was something going on.  The vet prescribed some medication and said she’d get back with us in a few weeks to see how she was doing.  

During this phase of time, my mother-in-law passed away and we had to make a trip to New Mexico.  This set the progress back a bit.  

After returning, we let the vet know that the meds she had given Maggie had done nothing.  Now, x-rays were ordered to see if there was anything going on in her lungs.  These came back fairly normal, for a senior baby.  We insisted there was something wrong with Maggie and we felt she was getting worse and other aspects of her health were declining.  She was starting to slip a lot and her back legs were becoming weak. She would fall and have a hard time getting back up.  She was developing sores on her face and on her elbows.  The vet gave us another round of different meds and we would try those out for a few weeks. 

After another visit with the vet (have I mentioned that vets are not inexpensive and neither is doggie medication), it was felt that Maggie has laryngeal paralysis. Finally a diagnoses. But also, very bad news for Maggie.  The vet said there was a procedure that could help her, but with her advanced age it was risky.  They gave her different medications to see if these would help  

I was at a crossroads.  Risky surgery or losing my girl. I asked my aunt, whose brother is a vet, to get his opinion and tell us the truth.  At this point, I was opting for the procedure, Trent was not wanting to put Maggie through such risk with an unknown outcome. It was then told to us that Maggie shouldn’t be put through this procedure.  The risks far outweigh any benefit. At her advanced age, it really wasn’t an option.  IF she made it through the procedure, complications were very high and the prognosis was grim.

Maggie is currently on a CBD regimen.  This doesn't cure her problem, but it makes her a bit more comfortable.  She is not able to go on her morning walks, when we take her, she has a really bad day.  She wants to go with Moosie, but, I think she knows she just can't.  As much as it breaks my heart to tell her no, she cannot go, her heart breaks knowing she is missing out on this routine she has had for her entire life.  Her quality of life is decreasing.  

So, I sit here with my sweet baby and tell her, ask her, to just hold on. I’m not ready to let her go.  I keep telling myself that if we can make it to cooler months, we might have a little more time.  Though, in my heart, I know our time is coming to an end soon. I cry, sob, and wonder how I will face my life without her. I worry about Moosie losing his partner. I’m fairly certain that both my babies will be gone soon as I think Moosie will die from a broken heart without his soulmate  

So, I sit here and I miss her, even though she lies at my feet.  I pray to know the right time, not too early and not too late, to make that terrible, heartbreaking decision.  I am losing a big piece of my heart. My Maggie girl, who I adopted from her birth mother at 6 weeks of age, who knows no other mother, no other home, no other family, who is really one of the happiest doggies I have ever known.  She smiles with her whole body.  She loves unconditionally with her whole heart. She has brought so much happiness to my life. 

Even though she is lying right next to me, I’m already missing Maggie.