Blogworthy

It has been a while since I have actually came here and started a blog. I usually come to my site and sit here and try to think of things to write about. Some days, as in the past, I am lucky and come up with something. But, some days there is just nothing. My head cannot come up with a blogworthy blog. Some things I might find funny or amusing or even interesting, when I go to write about them, they fizzle out before they even really get started. One day, I will post all of the starts and you can see what I mean.

 So, the other day I came across a quote that kinda hit my heart hard. I like to look for different quotes to post on Twitter or Facebook, some are funny, some are serious, some are sad, and some just....are, I guess. This particular quote, which I am not going to share, made me really think. It made me go outside of my box and it made me pull thoughts from way deep down so I could make it all make sense. But I guess the bottom line with this quote was, I wanted it to be the way I wanted it to be. The way it read, there were two choices given; and I wanted the second choice. I wanted to be THAT person. I wanted THAT to be the way it was for me. So, while I was sitting here thinking about this quote, I did everything I could do to make my life fit around the second part of it. I maybe fabricated a bit or twisted things a little or completely even changed the way things really were, just a bit, so I could have the quote fit my life; or have my life fit the quote, I guess. By the time I was done thinking about it and had wrapped it all up in this nice little package, I realized what I had done. The whole time I was justifying it, I really had no idea that is what I was doing. As I thought of these lines, I thought about my life and how perfectly it was all fitting, not once really thinking about how it was manipulated.

Of course, now looking at it, I can be a little more objective about it and see it for what it is. I still have made it fit the way I think it should; why wouldn't I? That is how I want it and in my head that is how I have worked it and it all makes sense. If I were tell someone the quote and explain to them my situation, I am positive I could explain my thoughts and have it work out the way I think it should. On the other hand, if I were to tell someone that truly knew me and my situation, they could certainly debate the other side and be right as well.

I just found it a bit amusing...amusing is probably not the right word to use...I just found it a bit amazing how I could turn the situation the way I wanted it. Given a different day, in a different time in my life, I could have turned it the other way. But the words in the quote, the ultimate reason for the quote, is not to have my life be one way or the other, but to sit and ponder the phrase and ask yourself where your heart is. And, in that sense, the quote met its objective. I have pondered the thought over and over again, switching scenarios, switching the reasoning for my thinking, but I always, always end up taking the same path and going the same way I know I should with whom I should. I always end up in the same place. Whether I have justified it to fit, whether I only dream it that way, or frankly, whether that is the way it is or not; that is the way I see it and the way I feel it and the way I want you to look at it, too.

I hope that was cryptic enough for you all!!!

A personal note...I have not picked up knitting in a while; a month maybe. I kinda am in this little....what shall we call it? I am kinda in this little depressive funk. I am working my way out of it and seeing things for what they are and taking everything for what it's worth; but it is taking me a while. When one has seen life one way in their head or their dreams and then real life shows up and turns it all around...well, let's just say I was thrown for a bit of a loop and things did not turn out as I had expected they would and I am not doing exactly the things I thought I would and those plans that were made have been altered for good and shelved forever. I am working it out. That is really the best I have right now. And frankly, I believe that that is good enough.

XOXO