What I want to remember...

With my grandmother sick and facing the end of her life with dementia, I have been thinking of the things I want to remember. So, if you are around when I am 89 and demented these are the things I want you to come and tell me:
* I want to be reminded of my childhood. I want to remember the times I spent with my uncle and my cousins and my brother on holidays. I want to be told all those late night conversations "knowing" that we just heard Santa on the rooftop. I want to remember my dad and my uncle playing chess excessively while my mother, my grandmother, and my aunt "cooked" *cough*drank*cough* in the kitchen. I want to be reminded that I went to Catholic school and as much as I complained about, I loved it there. I loved being sheltered and I loved the close friendships I had there. I loved the nuns that beat me (LOL), they made me the person I am today. They taught me about compassion and survival. I want to remember riding my bike until the street lights came on. I want to remember there were no strangers. I want to remember "olly, olly, oxen free (whatever that means)."
* I want to remember being a teenager. I want to remember meeting Martin, my grandfather, at age 12 and loving him from that first day. I want to remember visiting him and his family. I want to remember getting to know my new Aunt Lisa and all the bad things she taught me (LOL). The stolen cigarettes and the tarantulas and the Nair! The magic tricks and the piano and flute duets. The polka. I want to remember my first car - 1974 Ford Mustang, green, AKA "Frog." I want to remember cruising Main and hanging at Sonic. There were some bad times mixed in there, I would rather forget those times, but they made me who I am today, so just brush over those times. I want to remember Mrs. Kerr, my senior English teacher, and her favorite phrase, "LADIES...and I use the term loosely" when we were talking or munching our gum or whatever we were doing that so unlady like. I want to remember graduation and walking up to get my diploma. I don't need to remember Uncle Al almost ruining that day for me -- but I do want to remember that my grandfather went anyway. I want to remember the first ever, and last ever (who knew), Camacho Family Reunion. Even though that reunion ended and people were lost to never be found again, I want to remember it.
* I want to remember my husband and the day we meet. I want to be reminded that I signed a paper for him signing, "Velvet Johnson" with him looking at me and laughing and then saying that he would probably need my real name. I want to remember him tutoring me in Algebra and bringing my 60% (yikes) up! Stupid word problems anyway... I want to remember the day he proposed and the thoughts that went through my head. I want to remember why we eloped and why it was the best for everyone. I want to remember our first apartment...student housing at ENMU. I want to remember my first thoughts as I walked in and saw what I saw...I am stronger than you know. I want to remember him taking me on motorcycle rides, especially at 9 months pregnant! I want to remember that instant I found out I was pregnant with our first child. And then...our second. I want to be reminded that he always let me win and he always gave in to my every whim, even when he knew I was wrong. I want to remember him holding my hand while lying in bed. I want to remember him telling me things would be great when we moved from New Mexico to California. How he would always try to fix what was wrong when I cried, even though some things could not be fixed. I want to be reminded that our only fights occurred in the car!
* I want to remember my children. The birth of Garrick with all the complications with him finally resting in my arms. I want to remember him, at 9lbs4oz, being the biggest baby I have ever seen. I want to remember him being in the newborn nursery next to the little 6lb girl and looking like a 3-month-old. I want to remember holding him and thinking I would never love anything like I love him. Until....Natalie. I want to remember planning that pregnancy, down the the month. The complications of the pregnancy but the perfect little baby girl. Loving her only as I had loved her brother. I want to remember always wanting to protect them and never wanting anything bad to ever happen to them. I want to be reminded that I was the best mother I could have been. I made mistakes, yes, but I tried. I was far from perfect, but I tried. I loved my children more than they could ever know. I would have died for them. I thought about them every single day. They never disappointed me. I never could have asked for better children.
* Random things that I want to remember: Family was always important to me...immediate and otherwise. Finding family from my past that mean more to me then they could possibly know. Loving them. I did have compassion, though few rarely saw it. I want to remember being at my mother's for Christmas and her tree always overflowing with too many gifts for everyone but her. I want to remember meals that I cooked that were inedible. I want to remember my house never quite clean enough but caring little about it. I want to remember that I killed every lemon tree I tried to grow. In fact, I killed almost every plant I owned. I want to remember seeing Easter Bunny tracks at my Aunt Addie's house. I want to remember snow days from school. Chicken pox at the age of 16. Playing poker with my dad at the "big house." Being embarrassed to have new shoes in school. Never wanting to call too much attention to myself. I want to remember the deep faith I had in things I could not see or understand. Why things happen. Why things don't happen. I want to remember that my son was #3 in his graduating class and should have been #1; he did have the best GPA...that I will never understand. I want to remember him playing the piano. I want to remember a terrible time in his life when I begged Heavenly Father to let him forgot and to let me take on his burden. I want to remember that I honestly did think Natalie was the prettiest girl in her school. I want to remember sitting at her softball games and beaming with pride. I want to remember our flute duet that we were totally lost and busted out laughing with the people we were playing for looking at us in horror; them not being sure whether to laugh or not. I want to remember Natalie truly being my best friend. I want to remember jumping through mud puddles when I was a kid. I want to remember believing in Santa and crying when I found out the truth. I want to remember the scavenger hunts at Christmas. I want to remember the love I felt from my friends and family; and hope they know of my true love for them.

So...what do I want people to remember about me? That I had a heart, a big one. I truly cared and I truly loved. If I ever told you I loved you, I honestly did. I never asked a question I did not want an answer to. I was not perfect, but I wanted to be. I fell a few times, but I always got up. I was stronger than I even knew, but which some of you did. I never stopped dreaming or wishing or hoping. I never gave up hope for those things I truly desired. I never thought my glass was half empty. I smiled when I wanted to cry. I loved rainy days. I hope when I am gone that I touched you in some way and that you smile when you think of me.